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Archives for : July2014

Stephen A. Smith is gonna learn today!

I’m sure you all have heard about the two game suspension Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice received for his arrest for domestic violence.  And I’m also sure you all have heard about the unfairness of it all given the suspensions and consequences that have come from football players smoking weed.  More on that in a later post though.

In light of all of the controversy, Stephen A. Smith decided to address the responsibility women carry for their part in domestic violence.

And OH. MAN.

The transcript:

It’s not about him, then. It’s about you, and here’s what I mean by that. We keep talking about the guys. We know you have no business putting your hands on a woman. I don’t know how many times I got to reiterate that. But as a man who was raised by women, see I know what I’m going to do if somebody touches a female member of my family. I know what I’m going to do, I know what my boys are going to do. I know what, I’m going to have to remind myself that I work for the Worldwide Leader, I’m going to have to get law enforcement officials involved because of what I’m going to be tempted to do. But what I’ve tried to employ the female members of my family, some of who you all met and talked to and what have you, is that again, and this what, I’ve done this all my life, let’s make sure we don’t do anything to provoke wrong actions, because if I come, or somebody else come, whether it’s law enforcement officials, your brother or the fellas that you know, if we come after somebody has put their hands on you, it doesn’t negate the fact that they already put their hands on you. So let’s try to make sure that we can do our part in making sure that that doesn’t happen. Now you got some dudes that are just horrible and they’re going to do it anyway, and there’s never an excuse to put your hands on a woman. But domestic violence or whatever the case may be, with men putting their hands on women, is obviously a very real, real issue in our society. And I think that just talking about what guys shouldn’t do, we got to also make sure that you can do your part to do whatever you can do to make, to try to make sure it doesn’t happen. We know they’re wrong. We know they’re criminals. We know they probably deserve to be in jail. In Ray Rice’s case, he probably deserves more than a 2-game suspension which we both acknowledged. But at the same time, we also have to make sure that we learn as much as we can about elements of provocation. Not that there’s real provocation, but the elements of provocation, you got to make sure that you address them, because we’ve got to do is do what we can to try to prevent the situation from happening in any way. And I don’t think that’s broached enough, is all I’m saying. No point of blame.

Whew.

Ummm.

Wrong move.  Wrong wrong wrong.

Now. It is true, you DO have women who put their hands on men and then cry abuse when men hit back (note: I didn’t say BEAT).  And no, that is not okay. At all.  Keep your hands to yourself. HOWEVER, this was not the time or the place for that discussion.  I think that the “provocation” discussion is dangerous because (1) abusive men use that excuse anyway and (2) women in domestic abuse situations often blame themselves when IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT. In most of these cases, “provocation” is used as ANY excuse for a man to beat a woman.  For example, “She provoked me because she knows I like my dinner hot and she didn’t have it ready on time.  She knows that makes me angry.”  It may seem silly, but it’s real. Abusive men will use ANY situation to say they were provoked, and women who are victims and survivors of domestic abuse, at times, end up believing it.

I can just see some abusive men sitting at home watching this and believing they just got a cosign from Stephen A. Smith.  And that’s sickening. If he just HAD to go there (and in MY opinion it’s completely inappropriate in this situation), then he should have specified exactly what he meant in detail.  However, I guess I’m assuming that he means women who put their hands on men….which may be an incorrect assumption on my part.  So yeah, none of this should’ve ever happened.

 

 

 

 

 

There is a call for Stephen A. Smith to lose his job. And I’m sorry to disappoint, but that isn’t gonna happen. The bottom line is that he gave his opinion, as ill-timed and as insensitive/offensive as said opinion is, on a show that is based on opinion. Did he offend? Yup.  But I think we will all be surprised at exactly how much support he’s going to get for his comments (which is saying something).   I’m not cosigning his comments AT ALL.  What I AM saying is that you may be setting yourself up for failure if that is your expectation.   In any case, shame on you, Stephen A. Smith. Maybe those same women in your family can help educate you as to why this was totally inappropriate? UPDATE: July 25, 2014, 1:15pm I just saw his response:

^^He. Still. Doesn’t. Get. It.

What do you all think? Is he being misunderstood?

Update: July 25, 2014, 2:00pm

Ya know…I said that I didn’t think anything was gonna happen to him, buuuuut then this…

And yeah.

Updated: July 25, 2014, 2:55pm

Stephen A. Smith has come back with a clarification of his clarification (via Twitter).

My series of tweets a short time ago is not an adequate way to capture my thoughts so I am using a single tweet via Twitlonger to more appropriately and effectively clarify my remarks from earlier today about the Ray Rice situation. I completely recognize the sensitivity of the issues and the confusion and disgust that my comments caused. First off, as I said earlier and I want to reiterate strongly, it is never OK to put your hands on a women. Ever. I understand why that important point was lost in my other comments, which did not come out as I intended. I want to state very clearly. I do NOT believe a woman provokes the horrible domestic abuses that are sadly such a major problem in our society. I wasn’t trying to say that or even imply it when I was discussing my own personal upbringing and the important role the women in my family have played in my life. I understand why my comments could be taken another way. I should have done a better job articulating my thoughts and I sincerely apologize.

This, I am satisfied with.  As I said (on Twitter), I don’t believe he is a bad person, I just think this was a situation of wrong place + wrong time+ poor articulation. For me, this is good.

Father Finds Man Raping His Son, Beats Him Unconscious. Word.

I. ain’t. mad. at. all.

This sick ****** got EVERYTHING he deserved.

DAYTONA BEACH- An 18-year-old accused molester, beaten unconscious by the father of the victim.

Friday the suspect is behind bars.

The damage left on the suspect’s face shows what one father did to a man accused of a sexual attack his son.

That Daytona father called 911 early this morning after the beating.

“I just walked in and found a grown man molesting my (bleep) and i got him in a bloody puddle right now for you, officer,” said the Father in the 911 call.

The 35-year-old father tells the 911 operator he just left for a little while and when he came back he says he thought he heard something in the back bedroom.

“I looked at Ray and said what’s going on? And he stood up and his pants fell around his ankles. I knew what was going on and i did what i had a right to except i didn’t kill him,” the father explained to the operator.

Police showed up to find 18-year-old Raymond Frolander unconscious on the floor.

He went to the hospital, then was taken to the jail and faced a judge today.

Police chief Mike Chitwood says Frolander admitted to sexually battering the boy for the past 3 years.

“You think to yourself here’s a young man who’s innocence was taken away from him. An 8-11 year old should be outside playing sports and video games, not cowering in fear,” Said Chitwood.

Police say the father will not face any charges for the beating because he was protecting his son as a crime was being committed.

“i think the father did what any father would like to do,” said Chitwood.

The last words the father said to Frolander…

“You are damn lucky boy that I love my god!”

The judge gave Frolander no bond. He just turned 18 last month.

{via Fox}

Yup.  Everything was done right, here. And I’m not even mad at this 911 call.

Embedded image permalink

Nope.  Not mad.

YaYa DaCosta As Whitney Houston {Video!!}

Okay. I must admit that I’m looking forward to this now.  I’m over the initial shock of Deborah Cox singing Whitney’s songs, seeing as though her voice is AMAZING.

I read this earlier:

Cissy Houston, mother of late pop singer Whitney Houston, is pleading with television network Lifetime to cancel their upcoming biopic focusing on her daughter’s tumultuous relationship with former husband Bobby Brown. “No one connected with this movie knew Whitney or anything about her relationship with Bobby,” Houston says in a statement issued to Entertainment Tonight, begging the filmmakers to “please, please let her rest.”

“Lifetime has chosen to go ahead with the movie about Whitney in spite of my family’s objections,” Houston says. “In the two years since Whitney’s death, many people have stepped forward to speak about their close relationship with her. I find it difficult to believe people who knew and supposedly loved her would participate in a movie about her done by folks who didn’t know her. We are exhausted by the continuing misinformation and comments offered by people who did not know her.”

But, as The Guardian notes, Houston’s claims aren’t entirely accurate: Her daughter co-starred with the biopic’s director, Angela Bassett, in the 1995 romantic comedy Waiting to Exhale; and singer Deborah Cox, who is recording vocals for the biopic, previously recorded a duet with Houston on the 2000 R&B single “Same Script, Different Cast.”

Despite the controversy, Lifetime is reportedly moving forward with the project. Bassett defended the film – her debut as a director –  in a previous statement, saying, “I have such regard for both Whitney’s and Bobby’s amazing talents and accomplishments; and I feel a responsibility in the telling of their story. Their humanity and bond fascinates us all. I’m beyond excited to have this opportunity to go behind the camera and into their world.”

{via Rolling Stone}

That’s tough, man. And I completely get where she’s coming from.  But it seems as if this is going forward.  All I can hope for is that it’s done in excellence, and maybe it’ll be something the family ends up being proud of.

And, after watching this, I have full confidence in Angela Bassett!

YaYa is WORKING it, do y’all hear me?

I don’t know.  I have mixed feelings.  Now, I’m excited for it, but I can’t imagine the pain the family is going through.

What do y’all think?

Are You Afraid To Feel?

On Twitter, I saw a link to an article, “Don’t Let Your Head Attack Your Heart,” and OF COURSE I clicked on it.  Some of you understand why.  There was one part that gave me pause (and fueled this post):

I was asking questions of the heart, and the mind fought back. We are trained and rewarded, in schools and in organizations, to lead with a fast, witty, and critical mind. And it serves us well. The mind can be logical, clear, incisive, and powerful.  It perceives, positions, politics, and protects. One of its many talents is to defend us from emotional vulnerability, which it does, at times, with jokes and quick repartee.

The heart, on the other hand, has no comebacks, no quips. Gentle, slow, and unprotected, an open heart is easily attacked, especially by a frightened mind. And feelings scare the mind.

Why are feelings so scary? I asked my friend and colleague, Jessica Gelson, a traditionally trained psychotherapist who specializes in body-based techniques to help people unblock their feelings.

“People are afraid of feelings for the same reason people are afraid of ghosts,” Jessica told me. “You can’t see them. You can’t put them in a box. And you can’t really control them.”

Most of us are never taught how to experience and understand our feelings. And since our mind hates things it doesn’t know, it reacts like a guard fending off an attack.

“Feelings scare the mind.”

Nothing but a whole bunch of truth right there.  There is absolutely nothing you can do with negative feelings, other than to sit there and feel them. But. Many people don’t do that. Many people REFUSE to do that.  In fact, a lot of times, when we have negative feelings or are feeling “down,” our first instinct is to *make* ourselves feel better.

And as I’ve written before (on Facebook), that is a mistake.  It is a mistake (an unhealthy one, too) to refuse to feel.  Yes, I am suggesting that you wallow in your negative feelings.  But NO, I am NOT suggesting that you react to them.  I am saying that you have the right to not feel good all the time.  And that it is in those times when you should take the time to experience those feelings, and learn from them.

Stop blocking.

Stop masking.

Stop faking.

Grow up, and DEAL.

As I write this about you, trust me, I’ve said it to myself.  Just a couple of weeks ago, I caught myself trying to *action* my way out of my negative feelings.  At that moment it was sadness and hopelessness.  Then I remembered I was doing the exact same thing I believe is a mistake.  So I decided to sit in my feelings.  I decided to voluntarily suffer. And eventually, it got better.

Your feelings, and dealing with them, don’t have to be scary.  Once you allow yourself to feel, you’ll learn exactly what needs to happen to cope with them.  For some people it’s simply time, others it’s meditation and prayer, others it’s withdrawing and needing alone time, and others it’s speaking with a mental health professional.  ALL of those options are okay.  Whatever works for *you.*

  1. Notice. Notice when your head wants to protect your heart. Notice how you might use humor to avoid feeling something. I am now aware that I do this myself. Honestly, I like the positive attention I get when people laugh. But I’m now sensitive to the cost. How it shuts me – and other people – down. When your instinct is to make a joke, see if you can pause without saying anything and notice what you feel.
  2. Take risks. Taking risks builds your emotional courage. And you don’t even need to take big, emotional risks. Maybe your risk is speaking up in a meeting, or not speaking up, or asking about someone’s day, or giving someone feedback. Courage begets courage. The more you take even small emotional risks, the more you’ll be willing to show up authentically in all areas of your life. You’ll have a chance to practice this, right here, in a moment.

Yes, and yes.

Number one = me.  Laughter (and joking) is my defense mechanism. It’s what I do when I don’t want to reveal my feelings, or acknowledge them. Find your defense mechanism. Pick up when you use it. It’ll show you a lot.

Taking risks. Yes. And I’m the first to tall you I am TERRIBLE at this. Awful. I’m just not good at it. At all. But the times I HAVE taken (little) risks, it hasn’t turned out to be so bad. In fact, sometimes it’s even ended up being a very good move.

Being afraid to feel is understandable.  And if you’re one of those people who refuses to address any feeling that isn’t positive, I challenge you to challenge yourself to giving yourself room to do so.  Try it. Just sit there and feel bad. It’ll suck.  And no, it won’t feel good.  But it also won’t be the end of the world.  You’ll feel it, and with some time, you’ll learn how to deal with it.

Don’t be afraid to feel.

Peace.

CONGRATULATIONS!!: Naya Rivera Has A Rebound Husband!

That’s right.  Naya Rivera got married last weekend!

April.  That’s when she and Big Sean broke off their engagement. April. In the year of our Lord 2014.

From People:

Glee star Naya Rivera has found her happily ever after.

The actress married actor Ryan Dorsey on July 19 in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, in front of a small group of close family.

“We feel truly blessed to be joined as husband and wife,” the couple told PEOPLE exclusively. “Our special day was fated and everything we could have ever asked for.”

Dorsey, who is originally from Charleston, West Virginia, attended the New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts before moving to Los Angeles, where he met Rivera four years ago. Longtime friends, they saw their relationship blossom into a romance shortly after herengagement to rapper Big Sean ended in April.

For their nuptials, Rivera, 27, wore a Monique Lhuillier gown while Dorsey wore a Dolce & Gabbana suit. She carried a bouquet of daisies and baby’s breath and the couple exchanged Neil Lane rings.

Now back home in L.A., the couple are excited to start their new lives as newlyweds.

As they told PEOPLE: “True love always prevails.”

^^That first sentence?  This is why I could never write for any company that doesn’t allow me to have an opinion. LOL. Cause…. okay.  Whatever. Moving right along.

“True love.”

Okay.

Maybe I’m tripping tho.  Maybe she just falls in love quick and they will have their forever and ever in this union.  It’s happened before.

Anyway, here are a couple of pics….

Naya Rivera Marries Ryan Dorsey| Weddings, Wedding, Naya Rivera

Naya Rivera Marries Ryan Dorsey| Weddings, Wedding, Naya Rivera

She certainly looks beautiful.

On a totally unrelated note:

It’s never a good sign when someone just CAN’T be alone.