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The Feelings for F*buddy Phenomenon.

F*buddies.

Friends with benefits.

Whatever you want to call it.

Two grown consenting adults who have a friendship (or not?) and are also having sex with each other without being in a committed relationship.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes the friendship stays intact even after sex is removed. Other times the friendship fizzles. And still other times, people realize maybe they were never really friends to begin with.

That’s another post for another day. The angle I’m wanting to approach here is one dealing with this:

I read through a lot of the responses of the lengths people go through to keep other people from feeling too much for them.

And it got me thinking…

I am perplexed as to why it’s so scary (or something) for people if someone YOU ARE REGULARLY SLEEPING WITH happens to “catch feelings.” If that happens, why can’t you just acknowledge it? If you wanna see if it can work out, great. If you aren’t interested, great. Honestly, what’s so difficult about that?

It’s equally mind-boggling to me why people make “agreements” in the beginning of these situations to “not catch feelings.” You DO understand that both of y’all are human, huh? Feelings are natural. It happens. You can’t promise not to do something that you can’t control. You CAN, however, acknowledge what you’re feeling, assessing if it’s appropriate, deal with it, and move on (I wrote something on managing your expectations. I think it works here). If that means taking a break from the sexual relationship or ending it completely, then cool. Because what’s not fair is to start taking it out on the other person just because you aren’t dealing with what you’re feeling. That’s definitely a no-no.

There’s a reason why God made sex for married people. Yes, I said it. Yes, it’s true. Be mad, stay mad.

Sex is the most intimate of acts. It’s as close as you can physically be to a person. So if you just so happen to develop some feelings for someone you’re sleeping with, I call that being human. It happens. Deal with it.

Some of the methods I read about to “keep someone from catching feelings”..

  • Never spend the night
  • Never talk about anything
  • No cuddling
  • No outside touching other than sex
  • No watching movies together
  • Don’t see each other more than a couple of times a month
  • Continually threaten to not have sex with them anymore
  • Only communicate about sex

It goes on.

Why are some of y’all so terrified of someone developing feelings for you? Are you not capable of deciding to either go with it or let it go?

You (or the other person) developed feelings. Those feelings are probably inappropriate. Therefore, there’s more than likely somewhere else those feelings are coming from (lonely, wanting more from someone (but *this* person just happens to be there), etc).

I believe in letting yourself feel and then getting to the root of it.

Acknowledge it.

Address/assess it.

Deal with it.

Be realistic about your ability to continue in the situation.

Go forth and find someone who wants what it is you really want.

I know it’s easier said than done, but it really is that simple.

And if you’re on the receiving end of someone feeling more for you and you aren’t interested, then it’s your responsibility to be clear about that and end it. It’s probably not gonna end well otherwise.

Trying to push down feelings will have it manifest in ways that are unhealthy. And that’s NOT a good look. At all.

Anyway. The takeaway from this?

  1. It’s not a bad thing if someone starts feeling more toward you. It’s okay if you want to explore the possibility of more, and it is also okay if you don’t and have to end the situation.
  2. It’s not a bad thing if YOU start developing feelings for someone. It’s natural. However, it’s on YOU to be grown and deal with it without taking it out on the other person.

A lot of us need to grow up when it comes to feelings and emotions. Some of us have been conditioned to believe that feelings are the enemy. The reason for that is probably because we don’t know a healthy way to deal with whatever we feel.

Feeling something for someone else when they don’t feel the same SUCKS. But it’s also the risk you take when entering into these types of situations. Gotta either grow up and learn how to deal, or keep it moving and (grow up still) and recognize that these situations aren’t ones that you can handle.

K.

My thoughts foe the day.

Peace.

 

I’m all caught up on “Scandal,” and…I hate Olivia Pope.

And I mean that. I really do hate her. She is one of the worst broads on television right now.

Let me touch on some other things first. I had about five episodes to catch up on. This is something I wrote on Facebook after watching “Get Out Of Jail, Free” (the episode where Olivia asked Mellie to help her her dad out of jail).

Catching up on “Scandal,” and Mellie’s “if it weren’t for you” monologue is the EXACT reason why I encourage single women to get themselves together before marriage/kids.

There IS a blessing in singlehood. You have the opportunity to figure out where you want to be, and work toward it without any responsibility to anybody else.

But even if that’s not *your* situation, I’d still say to make sure you don’t get lost in *his* accomplishments, so much so that you completely neglect yourself. Compromise? Yes. Support? ABSOLUTELY. But if you have things (professionally/educationally) you’d like to pursue, try not to neglect that.

Growth can DEFINITELY be done while being a wife and a mother, but it’s also more challenging. Single ladies, don’t sit around twiddling your thumbs waiting on a man. Work on you in ALL areas! If nothing else, it’ll serve as a great distraction. Lol

Okay. So let’s get back to Olivia Pope. Who I hate.

“A criminal, a whore, an idiot and a liar.”

These are the words Olivia used on Edison previously (describing how it made her feel when he suggested she was sleeping with the president), and he fed the words right back to her (“You Got Served”). Told her that’s EXACTLY what she was. Look. Truer words have never been spoken about the character of Olivia Pope. She is, indeed, a criminal, a whore, an idiot, and a liar.

She is a disgusting, manipulative, lying, indecisive, homewrecking (even though I don’t necessarily believe in this. The only way a home can be wrecked is if a spouse does the wrecking so….), sneaky, childish, manipulative (did I say that already) broad who doesn’t deserve the affection of any good man.

*exhales*

Olivia Pope ultimately got overwhelmed with what being the girlfriend of the POTUS entailed. And sometimes that happens in relationships. And I get it. But this is why I don’t see it for Olivia Pope.

  1. She knew EXACTLY what being his girlfriend meant. She’s worked for the White House. She’s been there for all of it. She knew.
  2. Even though she knew all of this, she decided to put the final nail in a lot of coffins by admitting that she was his girlfriend.

Everything was already worked out. Mellie and Fitz were gonna handle their shell of a marriage however they needed to. But no. Olivia ran, said nothing, and then decided to bust everything up.

And for what? Why? It wasn’t because she was ready to deal with it. She wasn’t. And she KNEW she wasn’t. So why?

All of her scheming. All of her lying. All of her manipulation. It’s just too much. She isn’t a decent person. I haven’t ever felt like this about her. I mean, the whole whore thing was bad enough (cause yes, that’s what she is), but I mean…eh. She was my moral release every week so I just shrugged my shoulders. But when it comes to messing with people and their hearts and emotions? Nah, Sis. Can’t. Won’t.

And the whole abortion scene? Give me a dayum break. You’re pregnant by a man who you’re in a loving (or so he thought) relationship with, and have been for YEARS (on and off, I know) and you don’t talk to him about this?

NOW LET ME BE CLEAR. I AM NOT SAYING THAT SHE SHOULD’VE ASKED FITZ’S PERMISSION TO GET AN ABORTION.

THAT. IS. NOT. WHAT. I. AM. SAYING.

ALL I am saying is that (1) you’re in a relationship with this man. The LEAST she could’ve done was tell him what happened. because (2) IT’S GOING TO GET OUT ANYWAY!

(Sidenote: I saw a lot of people saying how this showed that women can have an abortion and “walk away” from it just fine. People PLEASE understand that this is still TV. There was A LOT they did not show about the before and after. Yes, I’m all for women deciding what they want to do with their bodies, but don’t think that last Thursday showed you the real deal. That’s all I’m saying.)

I am SO. GLAD. Jake wore her azz out, too. TWICE! I am SO. SICK. of her calling him to talk about how she’s feeling about whatever is going on with Fitz. It’s insensitive and childish. Find someone else to talk to. Did she even ask how that man was doing after his ex-wife had been killed? Is there a sincere bone in her body?

I’m not sure if I’m the only person who feels this way, but it just looks like the character of Olivia Pope has developed to be, well, one that is just not a decent person in general.

Ugh.

After the winter finale the announcement that the show wouldn’t be back until February 11th was made, and I felt NOTHING. Almost relief.

I will not miss it at all.

I’m over it.

 

 

 

 

Charlie Sheen to reveal positive HIV status on “Today.”

…at least that’s the word from TMZ:

Charlie Sheen will reveal to the world that he’s HIV positive.

Sources connected to “NBC’s Today” tell TMZ … Sheen will sit down with Matt Lauer on Tuesday morning to make the announcement.

NBC touted the interview in a press release as Sheen making a “revealing personal announcement.”

A tabloid report came out today claiming Sheen’s been keeping the diagnosis secret for years. You’ve gotta imagine he’ll address that report tomorrow morning on ‘Today.’

Hm. I’m wondering if this has something to do with his erratic behavior in past years (as far as coping with the diagnosis/etc).

Should be an interesting interview.

Just as a side: The internet and social media takes the curiosity out of EVERYTHING. We know all about an interview/speech before it’s even given.

UPDATED: 1:15pm

Okay. So one question I had was how long has he known his status? And another is … ummm…has he informed his partners? I mean, he was having A LOT of sex…

Well, again, that’s what TMZ is here for…

Charlie Sheen kept his HIV status under wraps, but everything unraveled when some former partners threatened him with lawsuits … TMZ has learned.

As we reported, Charlie will appear on “Today’ and reveal he’s HIV positive.  We’re told he’s known about his status for more than a year and he kept a lid on the information.

We’re told things changed when Charlie confided in several friends he thought were confidants … it turned out they weren’t, and spread the word he was HIV positive.

That led to several of Charlie’s former partners contacting him and threatening a lawsuit because they were unaware of his status when they had interaction with him.  Our sources say Charlie settled several of the cases and, in return for money, got confidentiality agreements.

We’re told one of the settlements occurred late last month.

We also know when people go to Charlie’s house they are almost always required to sign confidentiality agreements which require anyone who might make a claim to do so in arbitration and not through the courts … which thereby keeps things private.

Um. Wow.

Guess money talks, huh? <– I know the answer to this question.

 

 

RHOA: “The Shades of it All”

Kandi

She looks AMAZING. Finally!

Also, so happy for her and Todd with the baby!

Riley looks cute!

Cynthia

Cynthia needs to let Peter’s raggedy a** go. Like BEEN.

If Cynthia was real she should’ve been ready to burn that house down to the ground when he walked in. And for a second, it looked like she was the type.

The fact that he is making light of this situation when Cynthia is so upset? Just ugh. And the fact that Cynthia isn’t focusing on the issue is ridiculously naive. That video is a deal. And he’s telling her to watch it again. Ew. He’s gross and makes me SICK.

 

Cynthia! Girl! EVERYBODY knows Peter cheats on you!

Yes, for better or for worse. But Sis, you STAY in the “worse.”

Malorie is being a good sister.

Chile.

Cynthia is rude AF for being this late to her own event.

OKAYYYY. So that statement I made about Mal being a good sister? I TAKE IT BACK. I can’t believe this broad just told all these women about their private conversation. Disgusting. And I hope Cynthia finds out about it.

Cynthia looks GORGEOUS at her event.

Porsha

So she made it back up to one of the housewives, huh?

She’s in that lovey dovey caking stage with her boo and I’m here for it!

However. Um. He’s not quite that… um. Charismatic? Lol. She had to tell him to take his book bag off. Lmao. Whatever. You like it, I love it.

Kenya

This house? Lmao.

Y’all. When Cynthia saw it!? “Oh.” Bwahahahaha!!!

I get that Kenya is upset, but this is not the time and it’s DEFINITELY not the place. Peter is in the wrong, but there was no reason to continue to engage him at Cynthia’s event.

Kenya TRIED it with Sheree and got read real quick. Ma’am. So out of line. Ugh.

KEEP RENTING!

You know what? These women are too damn old to be carrying on like this in public. What kinds of “friends” are these (I already know the answer) who can’t take ONE. NIGHT. to be drama free and celebrate Cynthia? Ugh. They are the worst.

*side note* I LOVE Marlo!