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Diary of a Nervous PhD Student: Orientation

February 26, 2015

Dear Tasha,

We are very happy to offer you a position in Cohort 13 of our doctoral program in Counselor Education. Congratulations!

WUUUUUUUUUUT?

Somebody let me up in their doctoral program!?!?

I mean, of course this was the desired result after going through the application process (really? I have to retake the GRE!?), interview, presentation, and everything else. But….WOAH.

Okay. Fast forward to April 16, 2015. A reception and orientation, which actually turned out to be, “Oh, here are your syllabi and assignments for the first day of your summer classes.”

Around the time of talking over the FOURTH class I’ll be taking this summer (a total of 8 credit hours), I zoned out. I started looking at all of the papers (and more papers) in front of me and asked myself, “Tash, WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING!?”

A LOT of self talk has happened over these past couple of months. Telling myself that the doctorate is the next step from a master’s. It’s the natural progression of academic achievements. Telling myself that there was an entire panel of doctoral program professors who interviewed me, looked at my entire admissions packet, watched and questioned a presentation of mine….AND CHOSE ME.

But still. April 16, 2015 came and I was left feeling overwhelmed and, quite frankly, not cut out for it.

And so started my “Tasha, calm down” process. Complete with a few deep breaths, tears, and gospel music.

A few other things calmed me down after leaving the orientation:

1. Wine.

2. I don’t have to do this.

And that’s the truth. This is not something that is a make or break in my career. My goal is to be a licensed professional counselor, which is something I am working toward right now (National Counselor Examination, here I come!). That can happen. That’s a done deal. So yeah. This isn’t something that is keeping me from achieving my ultimate goal.

I can get trained in ALL kinda of stuff relating to this field. I can write if I want to. I can teach (community college) if I want to. I can open a private practice if I want to. All of this, plus more, can happen with my current undergraduate degree and both of my master’s degrees. The PhD is like the cherry on top of an already satisfying hot fudge sundae. I want it, but I DEFINITELY won’t die without it.

3. I CAN do this.

I openly admit that I am one of those people who usually doesn’t see in myself what others do. Ever since receiving the news that I was accepted into this program, I have gone through a cycle of, “Am I really cut out for this?? Do I deserve this!?” and, “Tasha, CHILL. You EARNED this.” And THAT is the truth.

From the time I shared that I got into the program, I was met with,

“Tasha, your life is over!”

“Enjoy your free time now!”

“How long is it going to take you?”

“Say bye bye to your social life!”

“You’re gonna end up hating it!”

But finally…FINALLY…I was told (by a PhD student at the end of his program), “You’re gonna be fine.”

I needed that. Desperately.

Also, I talked with my former supervisor for my internship during my master’s (who was also a reference for me to get into the doctoral program), and he told me that he has no doubt that, while there may be some stressful times, I will get through it and I will complete it. And he told me that I needed to believe that too.

While I begged people (the few I told) to not share that I was applying to the program (didn’t want to have to tell people I didn’t get in), my mom and close friends weren’t even worried about me getting accepted. They were just waiting on the letter to make it official. They just knew. I, on the other hand, was my usual anxious and “what if” self. Surrounded by people who see in me, what I (at times) can’t see in myself. Amen.

God knew I was going to need affirmation last night. From the time I walked in the door of the reception/orientation with my mom, it started. Professors (who I had in the master’s program as well), told my mom that they saw me, and didn’t want to lose me.

ME!!!!!

THEY didn’t want to lose ME!

Then, in the middle of orientation, the director came in and told us that we were, indeed, handpicked. She reminded us that there was competition, but we were the ones who were considered the best candidates and were picked to fill the seats.

Okay.

Tasha, you deserve to be here.

4. The bottom line.

One of the questions I was asked by the panel during my interview is why am I pursuing a PhD. And I answered them honestly.

See, this is more than a professional journey for me. This right here is spiritual. I will never forget the fasting and praying I did in March of 2011, asking God to please guide me in what I was supposed to do. I was so unhappy with my career choice and just knew that couldn’t be life.

Three days. That’s how long it took. And He’s been guiding me and opening door after door for me ever since. I believe, with my WHOLE heart, that this is what HE wants me to do. And if that’s the case, then it is mine. Period. He IS going to make a way. He IS going to carry me. I just have to do my part and remain focused on the ultimate goal, which is to be the best that I can be in the purpose He has set out for me in my life.

So here we are.

I’m going to see how it goes. Registering for the summer classes. Getting my books and starting on my assignments. I can do this.

We’ll see if I make it past the fall (because methods of research AND statistical methods IN. THE. SAME. SEMESTER!? Bruh). If I do, I do. If I don’t, then it wasn’t for me.

Either way, after a few tears (that’s normal for me in times of feeling overwhelmed), some wine, and sleep…I’m encouraged. I’m ready, and I’m pressing forward.

Let’s go!

(CLICK HERE if you want to read more about my path!)

So. I got an IUD. Skyla, to be exact.

IUD.

Intrauterine device.

I got one. And the one I chose was Skyla.

In case you aren’t aware of what an IUD is, it is a form of birth control that is placed directly inside of your uterus. Yeah. So…there’s a bit much that comes with that. LOL

I’ll include some links that give more detailed info about IUDs in here, but I’m basically just going to speak from a layman’s perspective.  I decided to get an IUD because I was basically tired of the birth control pill and having to take it everyday. And that “same time everyday” thing? CHILE! It was wearing me thin and annoying me. So. IUD it is!

There are two kinds of IUD. Non-hormonal and hormonal. The non-hormonal IUD, Paragard works because it is copper. And copper:sperm :: kryptonite:Superman. It kills it. However, one side effect is that it makes your periods heavier and longer and NO.

DO. NOT. WANT.

However, for women who don’t want any hormones in their body, this is the choice for them. It also lasts the longest, which is 10 years.

Okay. So then there are the hormonal choices. Mirena (lasts up to 5 years) and Skyla (lasts up to 3 years). Mirena used to be the only choice up until Skyla was introduced (in 2013, I think). Skyla is smaller and is recommended for women who have not had children. So. I chose Skyla.

Mirena works as contraception by releasing a low amount of the progestin,  levonorgestrel (20mcg), which thickens the cervical mucus, inhibits the mobility of sperm, and thins the uterine lining.

How Mirena® is positioned in the uterus

Mirena website

 

Skyla works as contraception by releasing a low amount of the progestin,  levonorgestrel (13.5 mcg), which thickens the cervical mucus, inhibits the mobility of sperm, and thins the uterine lining. Different from Mirena, Skyla’s website adds that it reduces sperm survival.

IUD placement

Skyla website

 

 

^ This is the same placement for all three IUDs.

In other words, these things make your uterus an EXTREMELY hostile environment for sperm. So. Yeah.

A plus for Mirena and Skyla is that after the initial adjustment period (like 2 or 3 months, I think), it can make your periods much lighter…if not eliminating them all the way (remember, it thins the lining of your uterus!)!  SIGN ME UP!!!!! Well, to be honest, that (no periods) made me nervous at first, but I got over it.

Here’s my experience with getting Skyla inserted and my first three days of having it. I really was planning on typing all of this out….but it was just too much. LOL. I tried to keep it as concise as possible. Press play to get up in my vagina!

As far as using contraception…you aren’t gonna get any better than this, guys….

Tiers of Efficacy

(Skyla’s website)

 

IUDs are more than 99% effective. They are right up there with implants and sterilization.

So my question is this….why aren’t more women using this form of birth control? It’s covered by insurance, one of the most effective forms of birth control, and it’s low maintenance.

If you’re a woman who is currently using the birth control pill, are you considering an IUD? If not, why not?

I’m going to continue to update this post weekly, then bi-weekly, then longer (lol) until I get on some type of schedule. Stay tuned!

UPDATED: February 15, 2014

Here’s my review of my first full week using Skyla!

 

UPDATED: February 24, 2015, 7:20pm

Week two!

UPDATED: February 28, 2015, 8:40pm

Week three!

 Updated: March 12, 2015, 2:10pm

Week four!

Updated: April 24, 2015, 7:00pm

Cycles two and three!

UPDATED: June 1, 2015, 4:30pm

 

 

 

Abortion.

Abortion. One of the many ways men are trying to tell women what to do with their bodies hot topics in politics today. In fact, it has been placed in high priority in congress.

A top priority for the new Republican Congress is passing a new law banning abortions after a fetus is 20 weeks old. But on Wednesday, GOP women concerned about the party’s image managed to delay the vote. The bill, however, is by no means dead. Here’s everything you need to know about the women in the GOP’s crosshairs.

Women who obtain abortions 20 weeks after conception fall into a few broad categories. But researchers have a hard time determining which category accounts for the largest share of these abortions. “Our surveys just don’t capture those women very well,” says Rachel Jones, a senior researcher with the Guttmacher Institute, a pro-abortion-rights think tank. This is partly because later abortions are very rare: In 2011, the most recent year for which there is sound data, only about 13,000 women terminated their pregnancies after 20 weeks, out of a total of about1.06 million abortions.

{Mother Jones}

Before I get into my feelings about abortion in general, let me tackle my initial feelings of abortions after 20 weeks. Initially I would think, “Well if one was going to get an abortion, then surely they can figure it out before 20 weeks, right?” This thinking is both faulty and limited.

And here are a couple of stores (same source) that speak to why.

Abbey Willson, 37
When my husband and I decided to start trying for our first child, we hit the jackpot right away. We were just so excited. I was nervous too. My brother and my dad have a genetic condition called Ectrodactyly. It causes deformities in the feet and hands. My brother and my father’s legs are deformed below the knee, and my brother’s forefinger and thumb are fused on one hand. Later I would learn that the effects can be a lot more extensive. My brother and father lead pretty normal lives. But I didn’t appear to have the condition. So a genetic counselor reassured me that I couldn’t pass it on.

When we went in for an ultrasound at about 22 weeks, we asked the technician to count the fingers and toes. She got very quiet, and she didn’t want us to see the screen. It turns out I am a carrier. My condition just manifests in really, really superficial ways, like, my ankles roll easily.

“We asked the technician to count the fingers and toes. She got very quiet, and she didn’t want us to see the screen.”

Looking at my son, the technician couldn’t see any hands. At least one arm—probably both—was missing below the elbow. We started looking into prosthetics for our son. But then a second ultrasound confirmed that he not only had no arms at all, but one of his legs was missing bones. His pelvis was malformed and he would never be able to sit up. There were concerns his kidneys were malformed. He would start having surgery almost immediately in the first weeks of his life. He wouldn’t be able to use most prosthetics. It wasn’t just, he has no arms. His life would be painful, immediately, and he would never live independently.

The decision to terminate was not a hard one for us. Our whole family was very supportive. My father said—and I won’t forget this because we weren’t close before that—”Both as a parent of a child with a disability, and as someone with this condition, I think you’re doing the right thing. It’s so severe in your son.”

We suffered a lot. We grieved for a long time. Just because it’s an easy choice doesn’t mean it’s a painless one. But nobody should be forced to make their child suffer.

Julie Bindeman, 36
All of my screenings looked good and we started preparing for our son to have a new brother or sister. The ultrasound technician was really chatty. She told us we were having a boy. When went to the OB-GYN’s office, she said she was so sorry. “Oh,” we said. “So she made a mistake, we’re having a girl?” The doctor looked at us like we were crazy. “They didn’t tell you anything, did they?”

There was too much fluid in the skull for the brain to develop. They sent us to Children’s National Medical Center to get a better sense of what was going on. I was almost 21 weeks along. We were told that in the best-case scenario—if our son survived, which they couldn’t guarantee—he may never mentally progress. And he would never move independently. He would never speak, he would never feed himself, he would never walk, he would never hug his mother. We decided that that was not a life, and that was not fair to our son. And we made the heartbreaking choice to end the pregnancy.

“The doctor looked at us like we were crazy. ‘They didn’t tell you anything, did they?'”

I shared my story with the South Caroline Senate in 2012 when they had a 20-week abortion ban come up. One of the senators who I shared it with individually, he was so struck that he changed his mind. He had been planning to vote for the ban. People are open-minded. A lot of them just don’t know what women like me go through.

My general feelings on abortion:

I am a Christian (I mention this only because faith is one of the main reasons cited for those who are pro-life). However, even Christ Himself didn’t FORCE people to follow Him. It was, and still is, a choice. While I would never encourage a woman to have an abortion,  I refuse to stand in judgment of her to the point of telling her what she HAS TO DO with HER BODY.

I used to have a very black and white view of abortions. Abortions are wrong wrong wrong and anybody who gets one is wrong wrong wrong. But you know what happened? I grew up. I started opening my mind. And I became empathetic. I cannot imagine what a woman goes through when deciding to terminate her pregnancy. Whether it is a woman who is in extreme cases like the ones mentioned above, or a woman who slipped up with her boyfriend/partner/etc. and decides having a child isn’t in her best interest right now. Both of those women suffer to come to that decision. Yes, there are women who use abortions as a form of birth control. And yes, that is absolutely disgusting and reprehensible.  But that’s not ALL women.

The response to these women probably is, “Well there will be exceptions for extreme cases.” But who are YOU to decide what “extreme” is?? What if you decide that a child’s disability isn’t extreme? Are YOU going to be raising that child? You have no right.

This is a woman’s, and whoever she chooses to include, decision. Period. I find it ridiculous that other people, mainly men (!?), have taken it upon themselves to insert themselves inside of a woman’s vagina. How about you work on the adoption system so women can see that as an actual viable option (because honestly, telling a woman to carry to term and put up to adopt isn’t really helping if she knows anything about the system)? How about you help fix a system where single mothers feel supported and not judged? HOW ABOUT YOU HELP MAKE CHILDREN’S LIVES BETTER WHO ARE ALREADY HERE?

I believe that a nice amount of abortions are done due to fear, inconvenience, and lack of support. I believe if THESE issues were worked on, in a spirit of empathy and non-judgment,  then we’d see a drop in abortions. This discussion that’s being had and taking up A LOT of time? That’s not gonna do it.

Yes. We all know that sex leads to pregnancies. But guess what? People are still having sex and people are still not wanting to get pregnant. That is a thing. That is the reality. And THAT is what needs to be addressed. Simply saying “don’t have sex if you don’t want to get pregnant” is not helping. Period. Stop focusing on what SHOULD happen and start focusing on what IS happening.

If we want to see a drop in abortions, the current method IS NOT WORKING.

I don’t necessarily “support” abortions.

I DO, however, support a grown woman being able to decide what to do with her body.

So you’re “in love with the coco,” huh?

I enjoy hip hop. I really do.  And a lot of my favorite songs just so happen to be (very?) inappropriate. But every once in a while a song comes on mainstream radio and is accepted by hip hop (with open arms) that disappoints me and hurts my feelings, to be honest.

“Coco” – by O.T. Genasis happens to be one of those songs.

He belts out (repeatedly) that he’s “in love with the coco,” coco being cocaine.

Now.

It’s catchy. Something about it makes you want to sing along. I get it. I’ve bobbed my head to it a couple of times. But guys, it sickens me even more. It really is a disturbing song.

I hate it. “It” being what it represents.

I hate that this is advocating for the use of cocaine, and (as mentioned before) I hate that nobody has questioned it (have they?). I’m not one of those people who calls for boycotts of songs or whatever, but I won’t lie to you. Nothing would’ve made me happier than for hip-hop to reject this song the moment it came out. Something like, “Nah, we’re not pushing this out on our people, man.”

On top of everything else we, as blacks, are dealing with, pushing/doing/advocating heavy drug use does not need to be one of them. It just CAN’T be. And this isn’t something that we can blame “the man” or anybody else for. These are our people, our artists, our stations, playing a song that is ONLY about loving to do, and pushing cocaine.

Now, let me say this. I’m not one who thinks songs *make* people do anything.  For example, this song doesn’t *make* me want to go out and do cocaine. At all. But I do think it’s irresponsible. We’ve lost, and are losing, WAY too many people to drugs and addiction. And to have a song glorifying cocaine use baffles me. All I have in my head is the person who has a cocaine problem and is validated by artists like this. I hate it.

And the thing about it, is that this isn’t the first song I’ve heard casual references to cocaine. I mean, I haven’t heard an entire song dedicated to it (I don’t think), but there have been artists who rap about it.

People. Cocaine is nothing to play with. It IS addictive. It CAN kill you.

Let me get all deep and stuff for you real quick (via WebMD):

Cocaine is responsible for more U.S. emergency room visits than any other illegal drug. Cocaine harms the brain, heart, blood vessels, and lungs — and can even cause sudden death. Here’s what happens in the body:

  • Heart. Cocaine is bad for the heart. Cocaine increases heart rate and blood pressure while constricting the arteries supplying blood to the heart. The result can be a heart attack, even in young people withoutheart disease. Cocaine can also trigger a deadly abnormal heart rhythm called arrhythmi
  • Brain. Cocaine can constrict blood vessels in the brain, causing strokes. This can happen even in young people without other risk factors for strokes. Cocaine causes seizures and can lead to bizarre or violent behavio
  • Lungs and respiratory system. Snorting cocaine damages the nose and sinuses. Regular use can cause nasal perforation. Smoking crack cocaine irritates the lungs and, in some people, causes permanent lung damage
  • Gastrointestinal tract. Cocaine constricts blood vessels supplying the gut. The resulting oxygen starvation can cause ulcers, or even perforation of the stomach or intestine
  • Kidneys. Cocaine can cause sudden, overwhelming kidney failure through a process called rhabdomyolysis. In people with high blood pressure, regular cocaine use can accelerate the long-term kidney damage caused by high blood pressur
  • Sexual function. Although cocaine has a reputation as an aphrodisiac, it actually may make you less able to finish what you start. Chronic cocaine use can impair sexual function in men and women. In men, cocaine can cause delayed or impaired ejaculation.

And…

What are the long-term effects of cocaine?

The phrase “dope fiend” was originally coined many years ago to describe the negative side effects of constant cocaine use. As tolerance to the drug increases, it becomes necessary to take greater and greater quantities to get the same high. Prolonged daily use causes sleep deprivation and loss of appetite. A person can become psychotic and begin to experience hallucinations.

As cocaine interferes with the way the brain processes chemicals, one needs more and more of the drug just to feel “normal.” People who become addicted to cocaine (as with most other drugs) lose interest in other areas of life.

Coming down from the drug causes depression so severe that a person will do almost anything to get the drug—even commit murder.

And if he or she can’t get cocaine, the depression can get so intense it can drive the addict to suicide.

{DrugFreeWorld.org}

It’s just….not good. And we shouldn’t be promoting it in any way, shape, form, or fashion.

When will it stop? When will we try to help and heal each other from addiction in hip hop other than glorify and validate it?

Okay, well. It’s about time for me to step off of my soapbox now. Just thought I’d get that out.

*sigh*

In case you were curious, are the very elementary lyrics:

I’m in love with the coco
I’m in love with the coco
I got it for the low, low
I’m in love with the coco

I’m in love with the coco
I’m in love with the coco
I got it for the low, low
I’m in love with the coco

Hit my plug, that’s my cholo (mi amigo)
‘Cause he got it for the low, low
If you snitchin’ I go loco (go crazy)
Hit you with that treinta ocho
Niggas thinkin’ that I’m solo
50 deep, they’re like, “oh, no”
Heard the feds takin’ photos
I know nothin’, fuck the popo

Bakin’ soda, I got bakin’ soda
Bakin’ soda, I got bakin’ soda
Whip it through the glass, nigga
I’m blowin’ money fast, nigga

I’m in love with the coco
I’m in love with the coco
I got it for the low, low
I’m in love with the coco

I’m in love with the coco
I’m in love with the coco
I got it for the low, low
I’m in love with the coco

36, that’s a kilo (aqui)
Need a brick, miss my free throw
I’m in love, just like Ne-Yo
Bustin’ shots, now he Neo
Free my homies, fuck the C.O (puto)
Fuck the judge, fuck my P.O (puto)
All this coke, like I’m Nino
Water whip, like I’m Nemo

Bakin’ soda, I got bakin’ soda
Bakin’ soda, I got bakin’ soda
Whip it through the glass, nigga
I’m blowin’ money fast, nigga

I’m in love with the coco
I’m in love with the coco
I got it for the low, low
I’m in love with the coco

I’m in love with the coco
I’m in love with the coco
I got it for the low, low
I’m in love with the coco

I usually try to end these things with helpful info, so if you or somebody you know is struggling with substance abuse and addiction, here are a few resources:

National Helpline SAMHSA

Drug and Alcohol Recovery Hotlines

Well Place

Updated: January 20, 2014 5:55pm

I’ve been informed that his “love” for cocaine is strictly for the sale of it, and not necessarily of the use of it (however, others interpret it as such).

He’s selling it to someone who is using it, huh? So the advocacy is still there, no?

My feelings are the same.

Also, in an interview with Rolling Stone:

So the urgency in “CoCo” comes from real stress in your life, presumably tied to your previous life dealing drugs?
O.T.:
Definitely. I made a promise that I wouldn’t have to do shit like that no more. At the end of the day, I have a son. He’s in preschool and you know, nah. I can’t do that.

When did you finally give up that part of your life, so to speak?
O.T.:
You know what? I couldn’t really tell you the date. You don’t just put an end to it.

It’s not ongoing, is it?
O.T.:
[Laughs] No. No, I’m good.

A lot of rappers glamorize cocaine dealing, regardless of whether they’ve done it or not. As someone who has lived the realities, does that bother you?
O.T.:
Basically, I did it for myself. I didn’t make the song for other people. That’s how I felt at the time. The reaction that I’m getting from it, it just clarifies that there’s a lot of shit going on, whether that’s people using it or people selling it. No, I’m not glorifying it. That’s not what I’m doing at all. I just want to be a spokesperson for the people.

*scratches head*

You AREN’T glorifying it? You’re being a “spokesperson” for “the people?” What people!? Drug dealers? Addicts? Who are you speaking for?

I can’t, guys. I just can’t.

 

Let’s stop asking single women when they’re gonna get married/have children, okay?

To be honest, this isn’t something that angers me.  It doesn’t even really annoy me.  But the question, in my opinion, is silly and borderline insensitive.

Today, I was asked how old I am. 31. After I responded I got, “Just like my daughter! When are y’all going to give us some son-in-laws and grandbabies!?”

From then on I just laughed it off and told her that at least she had it in the proper order, etc etc etc.  She meant no harm. In fact, most people who do this don’t.  But I’d still like to enlighten you all.

When this is said to (some) single women, it sort of makes us scream internally. Why? Because you act as if this is something we have sole control over. And it comes off as if we aren’t fully aware of our relationship status.

WE ARE FULLY AWARE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS.

AND WHAT OUR UTERUS HAS AND HASN’T DONE.

A few scenarios to consider:

1.

Personally, I desire marriage and children. And I am VERY much so aware that I am a single woman. Again, speaking for myself, I have a deadline on when I’m willing to still get pregnant (after a certain age it just seems like things go all the way wrong and I just don’t want to take that chance. Much love to those of you who have children later in life tho!). But I’ve also said I was going to stop saying that cause God can do what He wants, when He wants….

But I digress…

Anyway, I am fully aware *that* age is approaching. And again, I know that I’m single. But I’m also not going to rush my love life because of other people, no matter who it is. This is probably where many women are who fall in this category. We are aware. We know. We get it. And it’s simply not something that we can control on our own.  I mean, do you think I’m out here purposely NOT getting married? Think, please. I’d even think asking a single woman if she was currently dating would be better than asking about marriage and children. Anyway, we talk about our love lives to our close friends. That conversation is covered, believe me.

Buuuut I mean,  if you have a cute nephew or something….

2.

What about the women who don’t want to get married and/or have children? Because let me be honest. I seriously question if this is something I want from things I’ve observed and know. Whew.

The assumption that marriage and/or children is the desire that every woman has needs to stop. Marriage and kids don’t make a woman, a woman. THERE’S MORE TO LIFE THAN MEN AND KIDS. It just is.  And for those of you who are extremely family oriented (like myself), this is probably hard to digest. But it’s true. There are women who find just as much joy in living their single lives as those who are wives and mothers. That’s just a fact. Ask her about something else. ANYTHING else. Career, school, accomplishments, general happiness with life? ANYTHING!?!?

3.

Women who CANT have children.  Do you understand how painful it is to be a woman in this position and constantly being asked about having children? You may be saying, “Well how would I know she can’t have children??”  EXACTLY! That is EXACTLY what my point is.  You just don’t know. So don’t make the assumption that she can. If I were in that position, it would’t be information that I would share publicly, and that’s what I would expect from other women in this position.

This would be the same for women who have miscarried or who are divorced. Just…no. Stop it.

4.

And what if the woman you’re asking IS in a relationship and is wondering the same thing!?!? You’ve just added to her anxiety! Not a good look.

Again, this isn’t something that makes me angry.  It just makes me roll my eyes. I have had to catch myself plenty of times to not come back with a smart remark. I’ve said, “How about you take that up with God?” before though. I’ve also informed people that this is not under my sole control. Because I mean….what exactly do you want ME to do? Another woman came to me in distress because her daughter is approaching 30 and seemingly isn’t even thinking about getting a man.  GOOD. FOR. HER. She’s cool. And she doesn’t need a man to feel like a woman or to be happy. Let her do her. If it’s something she wants and desires, she’ll make some moves to facilitate the process. If not, leave her be!

Do y’all understand how many women enter into marriages mainly because of their “biological clock” or because they just wanted to be married and have kids at an early age? While all of their marriages may not end, they don’t end up happy. Or maybe they do (eventually). Eh.

NOPE.

Not Tasha.

So stop it.  Stop (unintentionally) making women feel like they aren’t enough woman without being attached to some man and kid. Now, there are some women who have asked me something similar to this, and then followed up with something like, “That’s right! Live your life while you aren’t attached! Worry about that later!” Those women are appreciated (even though God played a cruel joke on us with the “prime age” for pregnancy)!!!

God’s method is perfect. I like to think He’s preparing me for him, and is preparing him for me.

It’ll happen when it’ll happen.

God’s timing is perfect. And I choose to trust Him with this.

You should too.