The Feelings for F*buddy Phenomenon.


Friends with benefits.

Whatever you want to call it.

Two grown consenting adults who have a friendship (or not?) and are also having sex with each other without being in a committed relationship.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes the friendship stays intact even after sex is removed. Other times the friendship fizzles. And still other times, people realize maybe they were never really friends to begin with.

That’s another post for another day. The angle I’m wanting to approach here is one dealing with this:

I read through a lot of the responses of the lengths people go through to keep other people from feeling too much for them.

And it got me thinking…

I am perplexed as to why it’s so scary (or something) for people if someone YOU ARE REGULARLY SLEEPING WITH happens to “catch feelings.” If that happens, why can’t you just acknowledge it? If you wanna see if it can work out, great. If you aren’t interested, great. Honestly, what’s so difficult about that?

It’s equally mind-boggling to me why people make “agreements” in the beginning of these situations to “not catch feelings.” You DO understand that both of y’all are human, huh? Feelings are natural. It happens. You can’t promise not to do something that you can’t control. You CAN, however, acknowledge what you’re feeling, assessing if it’s appropriate, deal with it, and move on (I wrote something on managing your expectations. I think it works here). If that means taking a break from the sexual relationship or ending it completely, then cool. Because what’s not fair is to start taking it out on the other person just because you aren’t dealing with what you’re feeling. That’s definitely a no-no.

There’s a reason why God made sex for married people. Yes, I said it. Yes, it’s true. Be mad, stay mad.

Sex is the most intimate of acts. It’s as close as you can physically be to a person. So if you just so happen to develop some feelings for someone you’re sleeping with, I call that being human. It happens. Deal with it.

Some of the methods I read about to “keep someone from catching feelings”..

  • Never spend the night
  • Never talk about anything
  • No cuddling
  • No outside touching other than sex
  • No watching movies together
  • Don’t see each other more than a couple of times a month
  • Continually threaten to not have sex with them anymore
  • Only communicate about sex

It goes on.

Why are some of y’all so terrified of someone developing feelings for you? Are you not capable of deciding to either go with it or let it go?

You (or the other person) developed feelings. Those feelings are probably inappropriate. Therefore, there’s more than likely somewhere else those feelings are coming from (lonely, wanting more from someone (but *this* person just happens to be there), etc).

I believe in letting yourself feel and then getting to the root of it.

Acknowledge it.

Address/assess it.

Deal with it.

Be realistic about your ability to continue in the situation.

Go forth and find someone who wants what it is you really want.

I know it’s easier said than done, but it really is that simple.

And if you’re on the receiving end of someone feeling more for you and you aren’t interested, then it’s your responsibility to be clear about that and end it. It’s probably not gonna end well otherwise.

Trying to push down feelings will have it manifest in ways that are unhealthy. And that’s NOT a good look. At all.

Anyway. The takeaway from this?

  1. It’s not a bad thing if someone starts feeling more toward you. It’s okay if you want to explore the possibility of more, and it is also okay if you don’t and have to end the situation.
  2. It’s not a bad thing if YOU start developing feelings for someone. It’s natural. However, it’s on YOU to be grown and deal with it without taking it out on the other person.

A lot of us need to grow up when it comes to feelings and emotions. Some of us have been conditioned to believe that feelings are the enemy. The reason for that is probably because we don’t know a healthy way to deal with whatever we feel.

Feeling something for someone else when they don’t feel the same SUCKS. But it’s also the risk you take when entering into these types of situations. Gotta either grow up and learn how to deal, or keep it moving and (grow up still) and recognize that these situations aren’t ones that you can handle.


My thoughts for the day.



Comments are closed.