Ladies, maybe we wouldn’t stress about marriage, if we weren’t stressing about children?

This is something that came to me some time ago.  I realized that every time I thought about marriage, and was stressing out (or worried about) about it, my next thought was almost always about having kids.

A little background. I’ve always been family oriented.  I KNEW I wanted to be married.  I KNEW I wanted to have kids.  And I KNEW I wanted both to happen soon.  I wanted to be a young bride (although those who were married young told me I really didn’t want this).  So when that didn’t happen around 25, I started to get concerned (depressed?).  It literally became a source of panic for me.  But then I thought that something like family shouldn’t bring on those types of feelings in me.  So I started to examine WHY I was thinking about it so much in the first place.


It’s (almost) all about the kids.  I have a personal cut off age of when I’m going to allow myself to become pregnant (sorry, but I’m not trying to be 45 with an infant. NOPE.) But when I allowed myself to remove children from the equation entirely (that was tough), or to even consider that maybe being a mother wasn’t God’s plan for me (WHAT!?), then the panic and urgency of wanting to be married as soon as possible eased up.

Today I read, “I Don’t Want To Have Children (And That’s Okay).” Loved it.

Just tossing this out there, not wanting kids totally takes off the pressure of a timeline for shaking up. I could meet the dude whenever, be it tomorrow or ten years from now and not have to consider fertility treatments or the likelihood of Autism or birth defects. No work for you, little uterus; your next big event will be menopause.

“Well you just haven’t met the guy, that’s why you don’t want to have kids YET.” My colleague replies, completely disregarding my boss sitting next to her who met the guy, married him, and opted for dogs instead.

“Maybe,” I said. I know she meant well but I didn’t feel like continuing my involvement in the conversation. I was done defending myself on the topic.

This part right here. I envy this woman for being so carefree about her dating life.  And at one point and time, this is the place where I was trying to get to.

I’m now 30.  No serious situation going on. At all.  Single in all the ways that are possible. And that’s okay.  No, it’s not a scarlet letter.  No, there’s nothing wrong with me (by the way, stop asking people “why” when they tell you they’re single.  It’s stupid.).  *We* simply haven’t run into each other yet (I don’t think).  And you know what? I can take my time.  I can wait for someone who has the qualities I desire in a mate.  Yes, I could’ve married earlier (the opportunity was there), but what’s the point of having children with a man you’re miserable with?  I’m not talking about that life.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve had my moments.  I’ve been to the place of being willing to settle.  I’ve been to the place of thinking maybe “he” is as good as it gets for me.  I’ve cried over it, prayed over it, repeat, repeat, repeat. And sometimes, I feel that feeling of defeat (worry? sorrow?) creep back in.  But now, I breathe. And I remember.  It’s okay.  It’s all okay.

Do I want to be a mother (and for me, mother=wife)? Absolutely.  But will it be the end of the world if it doesn’t happen?  No.  It just means that my plan was different from what God’s plan was.  And I choose His.

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