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Reconciliation. Letting go.

Reconciliation.

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Early last week I had two people from my past contact me with a desire to reconcile. What’s funny is that I waited to see if there would be a third person, as these things usually happen in threes. And sure enough, by the end of the week there was a third person. Weird, right!?

While two of the three were more subtle with their desire (social media requests), there was one who was very straightforward. The words, “I miss you in my life” were said to me and a request to meet up face to face was made.

I didn’t hesitate.

For one, I know those kinds of efforts aren’t easy. I also know that is a very vulnerable place for someone to be in. I had zero interest in making it anymore difficult. And next, when I started to think about it, I couldn’t remember why we fell out in the first place. That lets me know that it was probably petty and wasn’t worth holding onto (because I don’t forget situations where I was hurt, etc).

Looking within, I know that I am very quick to remove people from my life. If I am feeling some sort of way or if I feel a friend isn’t being a friend (more on this later), then you gotta go. I believe in this heavily.

However, I also believe in reconciliation, and if someone played an important part in my life at one point, I believe they deserve a conversation, at the very least. This is especially true if they honestly don’t know what happened and are prepared to apologize for any injury they may have caused (and at the same time, I’m prepared to apologize for any hurt I may have caused).  These conversations aren’t meant to point fingers, rather, to reach some sort of understanding of what the other person needs in order to move forward.

Reconciliation doesn’t always mean letting people back into your life in the same role they had before. Sometimes it does. And in these moments, it’s important to truly let go of whatever happened, and be willing to move forward with this person in your life. In other words, it’s not okay to say you forgive someone or that the slate is clean, when you are still holding on to the past. Don’t do that.

It may be awkward at first, and that’s okay. However, I truly believe that (some) people are worth a second chance. In this case, it had been YEARS. The conversation and reconciliation was worth it to me, and was equally worth it to that individual.

Sometimes people need time to grow. And sometimes that has to happen without you being in their life. That’s just the way it is. But there is such a shortage of genuinely good people, until I welcome those types in my life whenever I run into them. Whether it is close friends, friends, or even associates, surrounding myself with supportive and positive people is a desire I have. The “no new friends” thing isn’t something I subscribe to. I mean, I’m not out here telling all my business to all people, but I also know that there are still people who are worth getting to know more about, and again, giving a second chance.

Letting go.

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On the flip side, there are people who we need to let go. I take friendships seriously. It’s not necessarily based on anything material, but there are some areas of need that anybody I call a friend must meet.

Loyalty. Support. Honesty. Availability. Helpful.

These are just a few. And I expect that friends expect the same from me, and call me out when I’m lacking. Now, all friends aren’t going to play all roles. There’s levels to this friendship thing, ya know? I am aware of that. One friend I may disclose everything to, while another I may just hang out with and keep it very surface. Different friends play different roles.

But what I WON’T tolerate, it toxic people in my life.

Here are a few truths…

They are not your friend if they intentionally aggravate and agitate you.

They are not your friend if they intentionally set out to make you feel bad about yourself or your circumstance(s).

They are not your friend if they continually throw up your bad “stuff” in your face.

They are not your friend if they disagree with a decision you’ve made, and suddenly turn on you.

They are not your friend if you express hurt to them, and they don’t even make an effort to make it right.

These aren’t people you need in your life. I’ve dealt with a situation where I had to sit down and come to grips with the fact that a friend was CONSTANTLY putting me off, intentionally flaring up my anxiety (they were aware this was an issue), subtlety throwing bad circumstances/situations in my face, and ultimately didn’t care that they had hurt my feelings.

Toxic.

Also, there were (plenty) times when I felt like this person treated me differently depending on who was around at the moment. There was a moment when I literally questioned if this person hated me. But that couldn’t be it, right? Cause we’ve been friends for a minute…so that just couldn’t be the case….right? Cause if that was so, then they wouldn’t make an effort to be in my life, huh?

Well. People change.  And SOME people want to stick close to you in order to have a front seat view of your downfall and bad times.

You gotta let these people go.

Earlier, I mentioned that I’m a pro at removing people from my life. This probably is a fault (at times). I will literally drop from someone’s entire life in a quick second. That is because I have zero intention on sticking around to continue being hurt. Plus, the fact that I could think such things about a “friend” already lets me know something.

There may come a time when people in the “letting go” category become people in the “reconciliation” category. It happens. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

However, you deserve to surround yourself with supportive, well-meaning people. You DESERVE that. We need each other to get through this whole life thing.

All in all, I strongly believe that you have the right, THE RIGHT, to take care of yourself. This means moving through the “reconciliation” and “letting go” process as necessary. But. I also believe in no drama. It doesn’t have to be dramatic and you don’t have to be cruel with these decisions. Treat people fairly, all the while making sure you’re taken care of.

Peace.

 

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