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Let’s stop asking single women when they’re gonna get married/have children, okay?

To be honest, this isn’t something that angers me.  It doesn’t even really annoy me.  But the question, in my opinion, is silly and borderline insensitive.

Today, I was asked how old I am. 31. After I responded I got, “Just like my daughter! When are y’all going to give us some son-in-laws and grandbabies!?”

From then on I just laughed it off and told her that at least she had it in the proper order, etc etc etc.  She meant no harm. In fact, most people who do this don’t.  But I’d still like to enlighten you all.

When this is said to (some) single women, it sort of makes us scream internally. Why? Because you act as if this is something we have sole control over. And it comes off as if we aren’t fully aware of our relationship status.

WE ARE FULLY AWARE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS.

AND WHAT OUR UTERUS HAS AND HASN’T DONE.

A few scenarios to consider:

1.

Personally, I desire marriage and children. And I am VERY much so aware that I am a single woman. Again, speaking for myself, I have a deadline on when I’m willing to still get pregnant (after a certain age it just seems like things go all the way wrong and I just don’t want to take that chance. Much love to those of you who have children later in life tho!). But I’ve also said I was going to stop saying that cause God can do what He wants, when He wants….

But I digress…

Anyway, I am fully aware *that* age is approaching. And again, I know that I’m single. But I’m also not going to rush my love life because of other people, no matter who it is. This is probably where many women are who fall in this category. We are aware. We know. We get it. And it’s simply not something that we can control on our own.  I mean, do you think I’m out here purposely NOT getting married? Think, please. I’d even think asking a single woman if she was currently dating would be better than asking about marriage and children. Anyway, we talk about our love lives to our close friends. That conversation is covered, believe me.

Buuuut I mean,  if you have a cute nephew or something….

2.

What about the women who don’t want to get married and/or have children? Because let me be honest. I seriously question if this is something I want from things I’ve observed and know. Whew.

The assumption that marriage and/or children is the desire that every woman has needs to stop. Marriage and kids don’t make a woman, a woman. THERE’S MORE TO LIFE THAN MEN AND KIDS. It just is.  And for those of you who are extremely family oriented (like myself), this is probably hard to digest. But it’s true. There are women who find just as much joy in living their single lives as those who are wives and mothers. That’s just a fact. Ask her about something else. ANYTHING else. Career, school, accomplishments, general happiness with life? ANYTHING!?!?

3.

Women who CANT have children.  Do you understand how painful it is to be a woman in this position and constantly being asked about having children? You may be saying, “Well how would I know she can’t have children??”  EXACTLY! That is EXACTLY what my point is.  You just don’t know. So don’t make the assumption that she can. If I were in that position, it would’t be information that I would share publicly, and that’s what I would expect from other women in this position.

This would be the same for women who have miscarried or who are divorced. Just…no. Stop it.

4.

And what if the woman you’re asking IS in a relationship and is wondering the same thing!?!? You’ve just added to her anxiety! Not a good look.

Again, this isn’t something that makes me angry.  It just makes me roll my eyes. I have had to catch myself plenty of times to not come back with a smart remark. I’ve said, “How about you take that up with God?” before though. I’ve also informed people that this is not under my sole control. Because I mean….what exactly do you want ME to do? Another woman came to me in distress because her daughter is approaching 30 and seemingly isn’t even thinking about getting a man.  GOOD. FOR. HER. She’s cool. And she doesn’t need a man to feel like a woman or to be happy. Let her do her. If it’s something she wants and desires, she’ll make some moves to facilitate the process. If not, leave her be!

Do y’all understand how many women enter into marriages mainly because of their “biological clock” or because they just wanted to be married and have kids at an early age? While all of their marriages may not end, they don’t end up happy. Or maybe they do (eventually). Eh.

NOPE.

Not Tasha.

So stop it.  Stop (unintentionally) making women feel like they aren’t enough woman without being attached to some man and kid. Now, there are some women who have asked me something similar to this, and then followed up with something like, “That’s right! Live your life while you aren’t attached! Worry about that later!” Those women are appreciated (even though God played a cruel joke on us with the “prime age” for pregnancy)!!!

God’s method is perfect. I like to think He’s preparing me for him, and is preparing him for me.

It’ll happen when it’ll happen.

God’s timing is perfect. And I choose to trust Him with this.

You should too.

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