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Ladies, If He’s For You, He’ll Be Just That

It may sound simple, almost like common sense, but if you’re anything like me you’ve caught yourself crushing (or more) on some guy who simply just isn’t that into you.

This doesn’t have to be a major act on your part either.  But you may find yourself liking him just enough to drive you crazy.  Hoping every text/call is from him.  Trying to do little things to catch his attention on social media.  Send out hints with long wordy posts on Instagram.  Hoping to “accidentally” run into him. Oh wait…y’all have never done these things?  Oh.  Me either.

O_o

Anyway, my message to you, to US, is really in two parts.

If he’s yours, he’ll notice you…just as you are.

Aren’t you tired of trying to *get* the attention of some man?  Dressing a certain way, plotting to be where he is (even though he could’ve invited you if he wanted you there), transforming yourself to put on the show of what you think he’ll like?  Again, as grown women this doesn’t present itself as blatantly obvious as it did when we were teens.  But there are those little subtle things.  Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with dressing cute.  But sometimes y’all do too much.  Everybody else is laid back and casual in jeans and tennis and you can’t even chill hard cause your skirt is too short and your feet hurt from the heels. Girl. No.

My advice is to just be you.  Of course, you want to present the best you that you can to possible interests. But, aren’t they going to have to know the real you sooner than later anyway?  I’ve known women who were approached by doing something as simple as grocery shopping.  The one person I’m thinking about right now was casual, makeup free, and minding her own business when the man of her dreams walked right on up to her.

PLEASE believe me when I say this. You WILL NOT have to plot, plan, scheme, or manipulate a man into noticing/liking you.  And if that IS what it takes, then what’s the point?  If a man sees something he likes, he knows how to gather more information.  Just be….you.

If he’s yours, he isn’t already in another relationship.

The man for you isn’t married.  He isn’t in a committed relationship.  Period.  You, as a single, available, unattached woman deserve a single, available, unattached man.  You DESERVE that.

I don’t care HOW unhappy he is in his marriage.  I don’t care that he’s decided to take some time apart and is separated (which means he’s STILL married).  I don’t care if his girlfriend gets on his nerves and he’s thinking about breaking up with her.  NONE of that has ANYTHING to do with your single, available, and unattached self.  Don’t you let ANY attached man get close to you.  Physically OR emotionally.

YOUR man WILL BE single, available, and unattached. Believe that.  And if you’re currently in a situation with a man who isn’t ALLLLLL three of those things, break it off.  And I mean right now.  You don’t deserve that. His wife/girlfriend just may be the meanest, laziest, filthiest bish in all the land.  But guess what?  SHE. IS. STILL. HIS. WIFE/GIRLFRIEND.  No.  There are no exceptions.  Leave that attached and unavailable man alone, girl.

Actually, why would you want to be with someone who isn’t man enough to deal with relationship issues and make a concrete decision anyway? Tuh.

That’s it.  That’s basically my point.  Again, I know it may seem like common sense, but if we aren’t careful, we’ll find ourselves making little exceptions and HUGE excuses for these men.  NOPE.  Cause trust me, if he’s for YOU, he’ll be just that!

Peace.

Should Women Expect To Be Cheated On?

 

Of course, the knee-jerk reaction is to say NOOOOO!! And to buy them this:

But.  Pause. And I’m not saying to pause and change your opinion, but pause and understand why this notion isn’t such a far-fetched one.  I say this because I used to be one of the people who would automatically judge a woman as being bitter and stupid for even bringing up the question, or having this opinion.  But then I grew up.  And I started to understand where this line of thinking came from.

On The Breakfast Club this morning they were discussing the interview Dwayne Wade’s side piece recently did.  Here’s the main excerpt of discussion (via Miss X Pose):

“We started when he was going through some trials and tribulations with his ex-wife. Now we’re just friends I do want to clarify that.”

“Gabrielle [Union], whatever. She… I don’t really have too much to say about her.” “I don’t feel sorry for anyone that’s married or a girlfriend to these athletes. We all know athletes do their thing. I haven’t met one athlete who didn’t have many girls on the side. When you choose this lifestyle, you just have to accept it.”

And I believe she has a point.  I’m not going to say EVERY male athlete/celebrity cheats, but…it definitely doesn’t surprise me when we find out they have.

One young lady called in and said that yes, women should expect it, but as long as you’re the one with the ring then you should be cool about it.

“Cool with it.”  Ok.

Another man called in to say that women (in this particular situation) should think of his having sex with other women as a “business transaction.”

“A business transaction.” Ok.

Does this mean it’s okay for women (in general) to “expect” to be cheated on?  Nope.  I remember when I was discussing marriage and the fact that I expected my husband to be faithful, and my friend (a woman) basically told me I was a complete idiot if I expected a man to stay faithful to me (or any woman really) for 20, 30, 40 years.  She literally laughed in my face.  I didn’t think too much of it at the time.

But then. I started to notice certain behaviors.  Over the years I found out about infidelity from men that I would NEVER expect it from.  And I have close friendships with men…some of who have been in relationships at one point or the other.  I would go out with the group or whatever and their girlfriends wouldn’t be around, and I would notice their behavior with other women.  With a couple, I’ll admit it actually broke my heart a little bit.  Not to mention the private conversations I’ve had with married women who have been cheated on.  And these aren’t women who are in 5, 10, 15 year marriages.  These are women who are in 20, 30+ year marriages. Who believe in working it out.  Their stories were a testament to it not being easy, AT ALL, but … “for better or for worse.” My goodness.

I AM NOT SAYING I BELIEVE EVERY MAN CHEATS.

What I AM saying, is that the possibility of it happening has increased in my mind.  Charlamagne quoted a line by Chris Rock on the show this morning, “A man is only as faithful as his options.”  And the truth of the matter is that these women out here don’t care (as seen from the young lady above).  No, as a woman I wouldn’t “blame” another women for my man/husband cheating on me.  HE is the one who has the duty of faithfulness.  But at the same time, I’m not so naive to think that there aren’t women who throw themselves at men, married or not.

A married woman once told me that the first thing I need to understand about men is that, “they are whores.”  Guys, I’m not talking about a ratchet woman who is bitter and thinks men are horrible in general.  Just…know that it shocked the hell out of me to hear this particular woman say that.  I’ve had men tell me that it’s something that women are just going to have to get over.

I think it’s a mistake for women to believe all men cheat as a way of protecting themselves.  Believe you deserve more.  But, I am no longer so quick to judge a woman when I hear her, in a state of discouragement, say that she thinks most men do.  I no longer have a negative knee-jerk reaction to a woman saying this from a place of hurt.  I’ve heard it enough times for me to *almost* make it to a place of giving up, so I can only imagine what a woman who is in the midst of dealing with it is going through.

So.  Again, no, I don’t believe ALL men cheat.  I don’t believe “all” men do anything.  However, my statement to myself has changed from, “I don’t believe that my husband would ever cheat on me” to, “It is my prayer that my husband/significant other doesn’t cheat on me, that we are able to address underlying issues openly and honestly.  But.  If it happens, I pray that I’ll handle it as best as possible.”

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Robin Thicke and Paula Patton Calling It Quits (I know y’all saw that coming, huh?)

 

KHOU reports:

NEW YORK — Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are calling it quits.

A representative for the actress confirmed Monday that the couple are ending their 9-year marriage.

Thicke, 36, and Patton, 38, met when they were teenagers. They had a son, Julian Fuego Thicke, in 2010.

Thicke had a breakthrough last year with the international hit “Blurred Lines,” which was nominated for several Grammy Awards. Patton has appeared in the films “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol,” ”Idlewild,” and “Precious.”

Patton has also appeared in Thicke’s music videos, including “Lost Without U” and “Love After War.” She was the inspiration behind most of his music, and she appeared on the cover of his 2003 debut, “A Beautiful World.”

Their separation was first reported on People magazine’s website.

I’m honestly not shocked.  Very strange things happening in that situation.  Well…..

Anyway, hopefully they are able to keep it as civil as possible for the sake of their son.

Dear Valentine’s Day Hater’s Club…

Dear People Who Hate on People Who Celebrate Valentine’s Day,

I say this with the utmost respect and class.

SHUT. THE. FAWK. UP.

Seriously.  Y’all don’t get tired of this year after year?  I’ve been seeing “Valentine’s Day is a scam” and “Is the relationship based on one day” statuses and tweets since last week.  STOP IT!  If you and your significant other CHOOSE not to acknowledge the day. FINE.  But putting all this judgment and assumptions on people who do choose to acknowledge it?  It’s really kinda stupid.

Only in my humble opinion though.

Personally, I believe in it.  No, my entire situation isn’t based on ONE day, but why not get Bae (lol) a card?  Why not go out to eat and spend MORE time together?  And a movie? Or just plan a night in? Why not? Why not get your lady some flowers? Of course you could do this on any other day of the week…  But why not on Valentine’s Day?  On purpose?

I simply don’t understand it.  If I’m with a guy who REFUSES to do ANYTHING (even something simple) to acknowledge the day…then I’ll be salty.  Yes.  I would.  Why? Because it’s something that makes me happy (I’m all lovey dovey and such).  And if he can’t do something as simply as get me a card or flowers or just take me out ONLY because he knows it’ll make me happy, then yeah.  It’s an issue.  I mean it’s not asking for too much.  And vice versa.  I think I should do the same.  If I know something makes *him* happy, then I should do that, especially if it’s something simple and doesn’t go against my religious and moral beliefs or whatever.  Goodness.  Some of you men (cause that’s honestly who I’ve seen putting up these anti-v-day sentiments) act like a woman is asking you to sacrifice your first born. Relax.

If you’re just SOOOOOOO opposed to using a day as an excuse to show *extra* affection (even though your level of affection, etc. is just fine with your s.o. already) then cool. DON’T. DO. IT. But excuse me as I get my life on Valentine’s Day (weekend!?).  And I SHOULD be able to do so without the Hater’s Club giving all kinds of side-eyes and shade.

Oh well.  Again, all just in my humble opinion.

Peace (and love 🙂 ).

Good Morning America Wedding Competition!

So.  I was asked to post this…and why  not!  Also, I’ve been asked to support Chris and Abria! Sure! Why not!

Abria graduated from my high school AND is my soror (Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated).  Seems like she has good taste in men because Chris is a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Incorporated!

I’m here for it!  GO YELLOW YEAM!!!

Here ya go!  Go vote!

 


See more US News from ABC|ABC World News

Details on how to vote from Yahoo!:

Hundreds of couples entered Good Morning America’s Epic Wedding Showdown for the chance to compete to win an unforgettable Valentine’s Day wedding ceremony, complete with a special performance by John Legend, live on ” GMA.”

Four finalists were chosen from the pack and have been facing-off in competition with physical challenges  on “GMA.”

Each day, viewers will be able to vote for their favorite couple and those votes will count towards who will be saved from elimination, and ultimately, who wins the contest. (Go toGoodMorningAmerica.com to vote from noon ET through 8:45 a.m. ET the next day).

Guys…the link to vote (GoodMorningAmerica.com) isn’t working for some reason, and that’s the only one that is out there.  There must be some kind of glitch, but I’ll continue to look!