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What if you never find love?

I stopped reading Thought Catalog a while ago, mainly because there was an attempt at “satire” or something on there that was highly distasteful and offensive. I can’t even remember what it was about, to be honest. However, today I saw an article entitled,“Read This If You’re Worried That You’ll Never Find ‘The One'”.

Actually, I’d seen it a few times and ignored it, but decided to go ahead and click it. And I’m very happy that I did.

I encourage you to go read it in it’s entirety, but there are two parts that I wanted to highlight.

If you knew that love would never be an option for you, what would be? How would you structure the rest of your life? Would it have a heavier focus on career, a stronger inclination toward success? Or would you use the time to invest in yourself – go on a few more vacations, travel further outside your comfort zone? If you knew that you would never again feel the rush of budding romance, where would you turn to for your thrills? How would you get your blood pumping?

And what about your other relationships – would they suddenly take on more weight? Would you spend more time appreciating your family, if you knew that they are the people who will have loved you the most strongly at the end of your life? What about your friendships? Would you nurture and care more for the people who love you platonically if you knew that nobody would ever love you romantically? Would you show up a little more often, share a little more of your life?

My inclination is to believe that never finding love would be a game-changer for most of us. One we’d initially consider to be devastating but may eventually realize is the ultimate liberation. Without the fear of ending up alone, the opportunities open to you would become endless. You could live on every continent. You could scale the corporate ladder. You could go back to school and get that degree you’ve always felt interested in, without worrying about the financial burden your debt may place on somebody else. Love holds us back in an infinite amount of subtle ways that perhaps we do not even realize. And the guarantee of its absence may just be the ultimate sense of liberation.

Whoa.

This is…spot on.

My story —> There was a time when I was strictly family oriented. Career? Blah. I mean, as long as I had gainful employment then so what, right? This was honestly my thought process, even after finishing my first master’s degree and starting my first job out of graduate school. At that point, I was in a relationship and I was SOOOOOO happy. I mean, that is where my focus was. And it seemed to be heading in a direction that I wanted, a family. So all was well.

Until that relationship ended.

It was then when I was forced to face other areas of my life and it was then that I discovered that I HATED my job. And that is when I started making moves in my career. That’s when I got focused on what I really wanted to do. What would make me happy in that area.

I’m not saying that the desire to have a family is completely gone, but what I AM saying is that I was forced to look to other areas for “happiness” and fulfillment when I no longer had the joy of my relationship.

What’s funny is that my best friend and I had this conversation last year (I think). We were talking about me and my lack of a serious relationship at the time. She told me that she thought that God kept me single for that season because if I was in a relationship she seriously doubted I would be making the moves that I was at that moment. At that point, I was heading toward finishing my second master’s degree (in my desired field!!) and was contemplating applying for a doctoral program (I did. And got accepted.).  I immediately agreed with her. For me, I HIGHLY doubt I would’ve wanted to take the time/money away from my family that I had to invest into that master’s degree while working full time.

But still, after reading this article, I reflected and found out that there are still things that I hold back on (at times) in hopes of a relationship.

Hm.

The second part of this article I wanted to share:

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for. Live your life as if you are the love of it. Because that’s the only thing you know for sure – that through every triumph, every failure, every fear and every gain that you will ever experience until the day you die, you are going to be present. You are going to be the person who shows up to accept your rewards. You are going to be the person who holds your own hand when you’re broken. You are going to be the person who gets yourself up off the floor every time you get knocked down and if those things are not love-of-your-life qualities, I don’t know what are.

We have to start appreciating all that we bring to our own lives. Because the ironic truth is, you are most attractive when you’re not worried about who you’re attracting. When you’re living your life confidently, freely and without restraint, you emit the kind of energy that it just isn’t possible to fake. The kind of energy that’s capable of transforming not just your own life, but the lives of people around you.

So stop looking for The One to spend the rest of your life with. Be The One.

And let everybody else come searching for you.

Yes.

Yes yes yes yes yes.

I think it’s normal to feel some sort of way about the thought of not ever finding someone, but, it does us single folk a disservice to harp on that. What’s the point? If it’s not gonna happen, we may as well ride this whole life thing until the wheels fall off, right?

So yeah. It’ll take more reflecting from me, and A LOT of cognitive restructuring, but this is a promise I’m making to myself. Live my life for and with myself and the ones who I love and who love me that are in it right now.

This sounds much better than trying to “prepare” my life for something that just may not happen.

I’ll live, and let him just find me, if it shall be. 🙂