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Should Women Expect To Be Cheated On?

 

Of course, the knee-jerk reaction is to say NOOOOO!! And to buy them this:

But.  Pause. And I’m not saying to pause and change your opinion, but pause and understand why this notion isn’t such a far-fetched one.  I say this because I used to be one of the people who would automatically judge a woman as being bitter and stupid for even bringing up the question, or having this opinion.  But then I grew up.  And I started to understand where this line of thinking came from.

On The Breakfast Club this morning they were discussing the interview Dwayne Wade’s side piece recently did.  Here’s the main excerpt of discussion (via Miss X Pose):

“We started when he was going through some trials and tribulations with his ex-wife. Now we’re just friends I do want to clarify that.”

“Gabrielle [Union], whatever. She… I don’t really have too much to say about her.” “I don’t feel sorry for anyone that’s married or a girlfriend to these athletes. We all know athletes do their thing. I haven’t met one athlete who didn’t have many girls on the side. When you choose this lifestyle, you just have to accept it.”

And I believe she has a point.  I’m not going to say EVERY male athlete/celebrity cheats, but…it definitely doesn’t surprise me when we find out they have.

One young lady called in and said that yes, women should expect it, but as long as you’re the one with the ring then you should be cool about it.

“Cool with it.”  Ok.

Another man called in to say that women (in this particular situation) should think of his having sex with other women as a “business transaction.”

“A business transaction.” Ok.

Does this mean it’s okay for women (in general) to “expect” to be cheated on?  Nope.  I remember when I was discussing marriage and the fact that I expected my husband to be faithful, and my friend (a woman) basically told me I was a complete idiot if I expected a man to stay faithful to me (or any woman really) for 20, 30, 40 years.  She literally laughed in my face.  I didn’t think too much of it at the time.

But then. I started to notice certain behaviors.  Over the years I found out about infidelity from men that I would NEVER expect it from.  And I have close friendships with men…some of who have been in relationships at one point or the other.  I would go out with the group or whatever and their girlfriends wouldn’t be around, and I would notice their behavior with other women.  With a couple, I’ll admit it actually broke my heart a little bit.  Not to mention the private conversations I’ve had with married women who have been cheated on.  And these aren’t women who are in 5, 10, 15 year marriages.  These are women who are in 20, 30+ year marriages. Who believe in working it out.  Their stories were a testament to it not being easy, AT ALL, but … “for better or for worse.” My goodness.

I AM NOT SAYING I BELIEVE EVERY MAN CHEATS.

What I AM saying, is that the possibility of it happening has increased in my mind.  Charlamagne quoted a line by Chris Rock on the show this morning, “A man is only as faithful as his options.”  And the truth of the matter is that these women out here don’t care (as seen from the young lady above).  No, as a woman I wouldn’t “blame” another women for my man/husband cheating on me.  HE is the one who has the duty of faithfulness.  But at the same time, I’m not so naive to think that there aren’t women who throw themselves at men, married or not.

A married woman once told me that the first thing I need to understand about men is that, “they are whores.”  Guys, I’m not talking about a ratchet woman who is bitter and thinks men are horrible in general.  Just…know that it shocked the hell out of me to hear this particular woman say that.  I’ve had men tell me that it’s something that women are just going to have to get over.

I think it’s a mistake for women to believe all men cheat as a way of protecting themselves.  Believe you deserve more.  But, I am no longer so quick to judge a woman when I hear her, in a state of discouragement, say that she thinks most men do.  I no longer have a negative knee-jerk reaction to a woman saying this from a place of hurt.  I’ve heard it enough times for me to *almost* make it to a place of giving up, so I can only imagine what a woman who is in the midst of dealing with it is going through.

So.  Again, no, I don’t believe ALL men cheat.  I don’t believe “all” men do anything.  However, my statement to myself has changed from, “I don’t believe that my husband would ever cheat on me” to, “It is my prayer that my husband/significant other doesn’t cheat on me, that we are able to address underlying issues openly and honestly.  But.  If it happens, I pray that I’ll handle it as best as possible.”

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