Man says he’s single cause he doesn’t make enough money.

This shouldn’t take very long.  I saw this article, “Well-Traveled, Intelligent Black Man, 34, Seeks ‘Sista’ OK With Him Making Less Money“, posted on Facebook and ignored it. But then I got tagged and had to go ahead and dive into it.

I actually could’ve stopped reading after the first full paragraph:

For them it’s bemusing to fathom that a man who is well-traveled, gainfully employed, bilingual, degreed, childless, not living in his mother’s basement and debt-free could go 16 years without being in a relationship and years at a time without having sex. What people don’t understand is that my income isn’t as high as many would expect, and it makes me feel insecure about how women may view my current professional station in life.

I can tell you, with 100% certainty, that this man’s lack of a dating life has (little to) NOTHING to do with other women, and has EVERYTHING to do with the last sentence in this paragraph.

He’s insecure.


And while I don’t know him, I’m sure one of two things happens with this man and his interactions with women.

1. He doesn’t interact with them. Cause…he’s insecure. So…he does’t even try.


2. He interacts with women, but then his insecurity comes up and prevents the situation from going anywhere.

It’s basically a self-fulfilling prophesy. He’s saying that his lack of having a six-figure income (I mean really?) prevents him from being in a relationship, admits he’s insecure about it, lets that guide him in situations, which in turn messes situations up…so now he’s proven himself right! It’s a classic case of setting yourself up for failure, with or without even realizing that you’re doing so.

Here, I don’t think the issue is with women not wanting to date a man making less (I’ve seen some of the men some women have ended up with and…..). I think the issue is himself. HE needs to get over it. Women can smell an unsure, insecure, lacking in confidence man a mile away. We can. And it’s unattractive.  THAT is more than likely what the issue is here.

There are men who make a decent amount of money who are single.

There are men who aren’t on salary at all and have no benefits who are in relationships.

It’s not *just* the money.

Now. What I did notice is that when he talks about women in this article, he states that “most” are making six-figures…

Most of them are making six-figure salaries, or near that amount, and insist that their partners make at least as much. I’m a senior editor at a website—not an entry-level money earner, but I’m not making six figures, either, so I’m pretty much out of their league with regard to dating. Of course, I’m acutely aware of the fact that many black women have “dated and married down” economically, but I surmise they’ve grown weary of doing so. Complaints about men taking advantage of their financial status pervade most conversations I hear over why many women prefer to only date men who are their economic equals. For the record, I’d have no issue dating women who earn more than I do, and I’m not exclusively pursuing women with deep pockets, so don’t tweet me your foolishness.

He says that he isn’t exclusively pursuing women earning six-figures, but I. CAN’T. TELL. Something in me is like, “Ehhhhhhh…” Doesn’t add up. Why? Because those are the ONLY women he references in this piece.

Either way, I understand the presence of insecurity that may come with not making a certain salary for a man. I get it. But, in the case of this man, it seems like he played out his life like he wanted to. So…what’s the problem? It seems to be that the problem is that HE really isn’t okay with everything. And if that’s the case, then do something about it. Period. I SERIOUSLY doubt it’s a lack of women who will date a man not making six-figures. SERIOUSLY.

And, honestly, if those are the feelings of the majority of women he’s running into, he may want to take a look at the women he’s surrounding himself with and pursuing.

I’m just saying.

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