So. Today is my birthday. And I’m all reflective….

From time to time I like to write a personal post, one that’s for no other reason than to share what’s on my heart.  This is one of those.

Today I turned 31.  Which is mind-boggling to me. I’m not sure why, I mean I knew it was coming, right?

30 was an interesting year, to say the least.  It was full of good highs, and some low lows. This was a year of spiritual growing pains, thwarted plans, changing my mind, and right up until the last month, twists and turns. This was a year of exposing my insecurities (to myself) that were hidden behind laughs and the mindset of “it is what it is,” as well as a year of dealing with and addressing all that is…me.

But it wasn’t all bad.

Because the conclusion that I’ve come to is that “me” isn’t all bad. In fact, this was a year of seeing exactly how much I am valued and appreciated by others, by just being all that is “me.”  People love Tasha, just for Tasha. Period. And that’s a great realization to come to. 30 was a year of being on the receiving end of AMAZING support, friendship, and personal growth as I came to terms with some things that I need to address.  While I continued to not be as kind to myself as I would have liked, toward the end, I (finally) started to learn how to that.

This past year is when I started this blog.  And I’ve loved every part of that.  You don’t understand what it feels like to see that people care about what you have to say. It really did blow my mind.  I thought people kept telling me to start one just to be nice or something.  But my goodness.  Y’all have been nothing short of AMAZING through this.

It’s also a year where I continued to reach for my passion of becoming a licensed professional therapist (I graduate in December!), by working toward my second master’s in clinical mental health.  I started 30 off being scared to death of what was ahead of me in regard to where I was in my program (counseling real people!? WUUUUT!?), and ending up being confident in doing just that. Loving it, in fact (confirmation!)! And I finally gave myself permission to say, “Hey Tasha, you are AWESOME for sticking with this.”  It hasn’t been easy. At all.  This program has pulled so much out of me, and has given me so much at the same time. Working full time, active in my church, with my family, and trying to maintain my friendships, running a blog…all while maintaining a 4.0. Yeah. I get to pat myself on the back for that.  Unapologetically.

But. In all of this, 30 exposed a part of me that I struggled with almost daily.  And that is the beast of anxiety. Worry, worry, worry. Stress, stress, stress. Anxious, anxious, anxious.

My body is extremely sensitive to stress.  And I found out just how much.  It was to the point where I wasn’t sleeping.  So I (reluctantly) got help with that.  Then, most recently, I developed a (slight) tremor in both of my hands. Of course, being the (sort of) hypochondriac that I am I thought it was Parkinson’s (and almost passed out the first time it happened). It wasn’t.  It was a side effect of extreme stress. And it’s gone now (whew).

There was a point when I went to God and asked, “When will I be able to look and around and say, ‘Everything in every area of my life is great?’ When will I be able to say that I don’t have any worries?”  And, in my head, He simply wasn’t answering.

But then something happened.

My pastor started to preach a series of sermons that was about anxiety and what to do about it. I mean, he LITERALLY addressed what I was going though. Then I had a conversation with my friend about peace, and what God may be trying to tell me. And I started to get back to what I know. Increasing my prayer life. Going back to my morning devotions…all of which have been on peace.  And so on and so fourth.

I now know what God has been trying to tell me.  He’s telling me that my life just may be filled with twists and turns. There may always be something coming at me.  Times when the challenge seems bigger than what I can handle.  But what I imagine Him doing is sitting in front of me and saying, “Tasha, the point is that I need you to learn how to deal. I need you to learn how to rest in Me. How to lean on Me.  I need you to learn how to sit in My peace and presence that I have already given to you.  It’s available to you! That is My answer. I need you to learn how to deal and have this peace through WHATEVER. I need you to let go.”

And that is exactly what 31 (and beyond) is about.

It is about me resting in the peace of my Father, KNOWING He loves me and has plans for me.  It’s about not unraveling and becoming so discouraged at every piece of bad news or everything that seemingly isn’t going my way.

31 is a year of walking in the authority that has been given to me as a child of God, over EVERY situation.

31 is a year of rest.  It is a year of not having to rely on melatonin or prescription sleeping pills or stress pills just to go to sleep.  It is a year of releasing my plans and resting in the guidance and instruction of the Lord.

31 is a year of embracing and celebrating all that is beautiful and valuable about *me,* while addressing, with authority, those things that need to be dealt with.

31 is a year of peace.

To those of you who have made it this far, thank you for reading! I enjoy sharing pieces of myself with you, and I appreciate you giving me the space to do so. You just don’t know how great that makes me feel.

Again, thank you and you are appreciated!


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