I thought I had fulfilled my blogging quota for the day until this blog, “Women can push men to cheat” was brought to my attention.

The premise of this post is the statement made by Tina Campbell on the subject of her husband’s infidelity:

I Tina assume full responsibility for the issues that I contributed to the relationship. I was controlling, talked too much. And you can never be heard over me because when I wanna talk I got the floor and ain’t nobody gonna get it from me until I give it up. Real talk. That was the way it was and I have to work on myself. You know what I mean? I was selfish. When we started having children it’s like, I forget that I have a responsibility as a wife. And I’m questioning you like, ‘Really, what you want me to do? I gotta baby! Even though that’s sometimes what you’re faced with, that ain’t the right spirit to do it in. And what happens is, you’re going on and you’re busy and you’ve got children and you’ve got work. And what happens is your husband is last and you don’t realize that he’s last. And if he has a problem with being last you’re like,’Well, what am I supposed to do? You know that I’ve got a career? You know that I’ve got these babies, you’re the one that got me pregnant!’ You want your husband to be the man and to take his place, but because ‘I’m a strong woman, I’m a this woman and I’m a that woman’ we busy stepping on our man. Making him feel small. And you know what? I did that. And I take responsibility for that.

{via Ebony Magazine interview}

Apparently there have been some strong reactions because it seems as if she’s taking blame (even if it is some) for her husband cheating on her.

Now.  Initially I was ready to pop off.  But, I continued to read and ponder the author’s comments:

So, in summary, she was impossible to get along with and her husband had blue balls. Sounds like the ideal marriage to me.

I’m sure that Teddy has his fair share of issues that make the marriage challenging, but they’re just that: his fair share. Tina didn’t allude to them and, frankly, she shouldn’t have. She’s shared enough, what with his affair with her friend and now that she contributed to his infidelity. If Teddy wants to talk about how he could be a better husband (or not), let him.

Some say he should have tried to fix his marriage. Tina’s words suggest that he told her what his struggles were. How’d that work out?

Others say that if he wasn’t happy and his marriage appeared irreparable, he should have left his wife.

Do these people know any human beings? Are they human? Have they ever cared for someone, to say nothing of loving another? Fix it or leave simply isn’t reality.

Ladies, if you’re worried that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you because of your issues, how about fixing them?

Men and women stay in marriages and relationships that make them miserable for reasons that are impossible for even them to make sense of. If you find yourself in one of these situations for healthy reasons, you do the best you can and see what happens.

Some of the women (and men!) who favor the “fix it or leave” approach to solving problem marriages or relationships are married. Take a moment to consider that.

Teddy Campbell was wrong for cheating, but if his wife can understand how her behavior contributed to his unfaithfulness, everyone else should be able to.

I honestly get what he’s trying to do here, but I would have to say that I disagree.  I think that’s my final position.  Tina’s behavior contributed to their MARITAL ISSUES.  But.  She DID NOT “contribute” to him cheating on her.  No.

Yes.  We are human.  Yes.  We make mistakes.  But you don’t just “oops” and fall into some other woman’s vagina. No.  I had nothing to do with YOUR decision to step outside of our marriage.

If the problems are that bad, how about you tell me you’re at the end of your rope?  How about you say we need professional & spiritual intervention? How about you tell me your next step is to ask for a separation?  How about you do WHATEVER it is you need to do to get your point across, that DOESN’T break our vows and includes bringing another woman into our marriage?  How about that?

I actually talked about this a little bit yesterday.  About how a just like a woman can’t *make* a man cheat, she can’t *make* him be faithful.  A man is gonna do what a man is gonna do (and vice versa).  If he wants to do so and has the opportunity (and with these women out here there is PLENTY of opportunity), then he is going to do so.  All of these posts, articles, books, etc. about how to “make sure your man doesn’t stray?”  Waste of time and money.  Even good (relative to the situation, of course) girlfriends/wives get cheated on. Yes, if you are in a monogamous situation, then be good to your man. But don’t you think you can *make* him do anything.  Just hope you have a man who has more integrity than that.

 Tina has the right to address this in whatever way she wants to.  I’m actually wondering why she felt the need to address this very private matter at all, but whatever.

Never ever will I believe that women “make” men cheat.  That may not be verbatim what Tina or this author is saying, but it’s dangerously close.