As most of you know, I’m an admitted Beyonce fan.  I’m here for her.  No need to go into too many more details about that.  So what other way is there to start off my life as a blogger than to do a piece about her? And she basically handed me the perfect material.  That is, what we have all come to know as her latest project, “Beyonce.”  The 14 song, 17 video project that dropped as a surprise (even to those who worked on it!?).  And then she went on to talk about some cupcakes. Like did she not understand what her fans were going through!? CUPCAKES!?…okay.  I digress.  This is my most objective, unbiased (I tried) review of this album.

1. Pretty Hurts

Written by Joshua Coleman,Sia Furler,Beyonce Knowles/Produced by Ammo for Prescription Songs/Beyonce Knowles/Directed by Melina Matsoukas feat. Harvey Keitel

This one isn’t a hard concept to grasp. I love that she opened up the album with it. Love the video. Very appropriate and timely.   I don’t have much else to say about it.  I think we all got the message.

2. Haunted (and Ghost)

Written by Boots, Beyonce Knowles/Produced by Boots, Beyonce/Directed by Pierre Debusschere (Ghost), Jonas Akerlund (Haunted)

I am annoyed at the lady saying “Beyonce” incorrectly in the flashback here.  But whatever.  “Ghost” is pretty much telling us where Bey is with this whole music thing right now.  She openly states that she probably won’t make any money off of this (really, Bey?). “Oh well.”  Everything is boring her.  She’s looking for different. She’s doing it for the love of it. Period.  “Haunted.” I’ll admit that it wasn’t something I needed to hear again. But. It’s growing on me.  Earlier I found myself not skipping it and singing along. So I guess I’m good with it.  I guess.

3.  Drunk In Love (feat. Jay Z)

Written by Beyonce, Noel Fisher, Shawn Carter, Andre Eric Proctor, Rasool Diaz, Brian Soko, T. Mosley, J. Harmon/Produced by Detail, Beyonce/Directed by Hype Williams

Umm. WHYYYYY did it take all these people to write this song!?  Okay. Anyway.

BEYONCE BETTER DANCE HER DRUNK ASS OFF ON THIS BEACH IN MIAMI!!!!!!!!!! Y’all.  I kept looking at this video thinking there’s something different about her.  And there is.  SHE’S DRUNK! I’m here for it.  I really did get my life when she started with that ratchet dancing on the second verse.  Therefore I shall do the exact same ratchet dance. Every single time. Yep. It’s happening.

This is one of my favorites. I love everything about it.  When she says “grinding off in that club” <— YASSSSS!  And you AWWWWREADY know —-> SURFBOARD. Beyonce says she is singing on the mic until her voice is hoarse.  Y’all.  You need to know she’s talking about oral sex.   Deep-throating. Only one minor issue with this track.  Not sure what Jay Z is doing with this whole Ike and Tina reference.  Ehhhhhhh. But yeah.  Everything and I mean EVERYTHING else I absolutely love.

4.Blow

Written by Pharrell,Beyonce, James Fauntleroy, T. Mosley, J. Harmon, Justin Timberlake/Produced by Pharrell, Beyonce, co-produced by Timbaland for Timbaland Productions, Inc, Jerome Harmon for Bronze and Brains/Timbaland/ Directed by Hype Williams

Again, another song I absolutely LOVE.  Definitely one of my favorites.  And again, LOVE the video.  Hype Williams did that.  Love love love.  When Bey got in that car and started twerkin’ just a little bit…..I was sold then.  And in case you didn’t know, she wants her man to turn that cherry out. Symbolism here (Skittles, pink is the flavor), but I think we all get it, right? Moving right along.

5. Angel

Written by Caroline Polachek, Beyonce, James Fauntleroy/Produced by Caroline Polachek, Beyonce/ Directed by @LilInternet

Um. I skip this one. I just came from “Blow” and I know “Yonce” and “Partition” is up next.  This one just kinda messes my vibe all up.  I watched the video tho.  For obvious reasons.  H-tiiiiiine.  Oh. “Sources” say that Bun B and them thought they were shooting visuals for “Bow Down.”  Nothing is that obvious with Bey tho, I guess.  Moving riiiiiiiight along.

6. Partition (Yonce)

Written by Beyonce, Terius Nash, Justin Timberlake, T. Mosley, J. Harmon, Dwane Weir, P/K/A Key Wane/Produced by Timbaland, Jerome Harmon, Justin Timberlake, Beyonce, Key Wane/ Directed by Ricky Saiz (Yonce), Jake Nava (Partition)

O_O.

FIRST of all.  I NEEEEEEED “Yonce” to be an entire song. I. NEED. IT. I’m serious.  I have an obsession with seeing Bey twerk and….well you saw the video (at least you should have).  When I listened to this at approximately 3:30am, Friday, December 13th, I was losing my mind cause this girl was on here rapping. WUT!?  AND. THEN. Joan Smalls, Chanel Iman, and Jourdan Dunn??? AND. THEN. Joan Smalls LICKS Bey!? Listen.  Let me keep it moving.

Partition.  I saw Bey’s ass.  And THE SILHOUETTE!? I mean. WHERE ARE HER STRETCH MARKS!? Is she real?

Anyway, do I really have to go into this song? By now y’all have heard the lyrics.  Monica Lewinski, good whips, Peaches, on her knees. Beyonce loves having sex with her husband, y’all.  And I’m here for it.  Definitely one of my favorites. Yes.  “Whoa dere daddy dadday” YASSSSS!

Also. Here’s a tip.  Listen to this at ignorant levels in your car with the bass turned up.  You’re welcome.

7. Jealous

Written by Noel Fisher, Beyonce, Andre Eric Proctor, Rasool Diaz, Brian Soko/Boots/Produced by Detail, Beyonce/ Directed by Beyonce, Francesco Carrozzini, Todd Tourso

I believe Beyonce is one of those artists who sings about what’s real to her and her life.  Art imitating life? Maybe we’re getting  a peek into marital situations here.  I like it.  She is human.  She gets jealous.  She yells.  She feels she’s doing everything right, but he isn’t. I’m sure many married couples can relate to what’s going on here. At the end of the day (end of the video), you work it out for your family.

8.  Rocket

Written by Miguel, Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, T. Mosley, J. Harmon/Produced by Timbaland, Beyonce, co-produced by Jerome Harmon/Directed by Beyonce, Ed Burke, Bill Kirstein

“Let me sit this aaaaaaaaaaaaaaass on you…” <— So it must’ve been like 3:45 am on December 13th when this happened. And I was like wait…WUUUUUUT!? Bey? Thought I was hallucinating for a second there.

WHEW!

So I’m pretty sure we heard Bey orgasm here.  Man. Have y’all listened to this!? No. Have you REALLY listened to this!? TOTALLY not surprised at Miguel and Justin Timberlake’s involvement in this. I know y’all see that water. Rivers, waterfalls, peaks, well runs dry, send all your scent all over me….

Ok. Imma move on.

9.  Mine

Written by Noah Shebib, Aubrey Drake Graham, Beyonce, Jordan Kenneth Cooke Ullman, Sidney Brown/Produced by Noah Shebib/ Directed by Pierre Debusschere

Again, maybe a peek into some marital situations here? And AGAIN, she’s laying claim to what’s hers.  Doesn’t want to be bothered with the little things.  I am really feeling this song.  At first I think I wasn’t sure about it, but it’s really really good.  She and Drake gel really well together on this.  Production is perfect.

10. XO

Written by Ryan Tedder, Terius Nash, Beyonce/Produced by Ryan Tedder, Terius Nash, Beyonce, Hit Boy/Directed by Terry Richardson

Meh.  It’s cute.  I’ve honestly watched the video only once.  This track is in the same situation as “Angel” to me.  Just got done with “Mine” and I know “Flawless” is coming up. So yeah. It actually gets skipped.  I bob my head to it whenever I do get around to listening to it tho. *shrugs*

11. ***Flawless

Written by Beyonce, Terius Bash, Chauncey Hollis, Rey Reel/Produced by Hit Boy, Beyonce, Rey Reel/ “We Should All Be Femenists” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie/ Directed by Jake Nava

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! THIS RIGHT HERE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! The inclusion of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie in “Bow Down” really cleared up what she’s doing on this song.

Also, if you are shading women for tagging “I woke up like this” on their Instagram pictures (cause come on, you just couldn’t have been surprised by this), then you missed the ENTIRE point.  Stay petty.

12.  Superpower

Written by Pharrell Williams, Frank Ocean, Beyonce/Produced by Pharrell/Directed by Jonas Akerlund

I’m not a fan of Frank Ocean, but here he is PERFECT.

Okay. So can somebody explain this song to me? Thanks.

13.  Heaven

Written by Boots, Beyonce/Produced by Boots, Beyonce/ Directed by Beyonce, Todd Tourso

So. I watched the video and was confused as to what was going on.  Turns out the director explained that Beyonce watched her mom go through the loss of her best friend, so that is what the video depicts.  It shows the great times next to painful lyrics.  Well, what’s happening is that a bucket list is being fulfilled, and the friend is actually dead.

The next time I listened to it I was in the car so it was my first time listening not watching the video.  And I got ALLLLLL into my feelings.  Beautiful song.  That I’ll probably never listen to again.

14.  Blue

Written by Boots, Beyonce/ Produced by Boots, Beyonce, Directed by Beyonce, Ed Burke, Bill Kirstein

I love seeing Beyonce as “mommie.”  Her interaction with Blue Ivy is really a sweet sight to see.  Nothing really to add here.  Beyonce loves Blue.  And as she said in part 2, there’s no feeling like hearing Blue call her mommie, and looking into her husband’s eyes.  And when Blue comes in on the end? *melts into a helpless mush*

In conclusion,

My love for this album goes much deeper than the beats, lyrics, production, and dance moves.  This is ART.  This is Beyonce having a vision and not stopping until she got exactly what she wanted. Do you see that she was the writer on this project, as well as the producer, AND the director on various songs? ART.  Everything is as she envisioned it.  She and her team worked on this album for a year and a half.  WHILE doing a world tour!? Meetings started in May 2012.  And y’all see the numbers. Already platinum.  It payed off.

My only other complaint is that we only got “Grown Woman” in a video (that I LOOOOOOVE) and not in a track. I NEEEEEEEEED it! Come on, Bey! LOL.  But yeah, that’s it.  Again, I love everything about this. It shows her growth not only as an artist, but as a woman.  And that, I can appreciate.

– Peace.